Phone a Friend

Who do you call (outside your family) when you have a big need or question about life/ministry?

Do you have other women you can call that have (probably) been where you are and can offer words of encouragement?

Do you women who can speak truth to you so you can continue to change and grow?

I remember feeling isolated and worn out in ministry. That doesn't mean you don't love God or love people. We all feel discouraged and need others to just listen and reassure us that yes, this will pass...God will work...you are not crazy...you will make it. And we need others to help us see where we can grow. Being in relationship with others and learning from them can help us see new ways to think and minister.

Recently my daughter asked to interview me as a part of her training with Campus Crusade. She asked me five questions about ministry and we had a meaningful spiritual conversation.

1. Describe for me one of your best years of ministry? What factors contributed to that being one of the best?
2. What unwelcomed assignments or experiences actually helped you grow and develop in ways for which you are now grateful?
3. Describe for me your relationship with a mentor of yours?
4. What have you done to remain clear about God's call on your life? Describe for me a time you doubted you where the Lord desired for you to serve? How did you move past that time?
5. Describe for me a time when you really had to live by faith or step out in faith to do what God was asking you to do?

I know personally that I don't have enough spiritual conversations with people and I want that to change. It seems we talk about food, the weather, the kids, etc. but not much about God and growing. I know we are all busy, so how can do more of this?

This year in the blog, I am interviewing church planter's wives who have been where you have been and can hopefully shed some light/encouragement/perspective to you. I am really going to write more often (pinky promise!) and hopefully we can build a community of caring women who can ask honest questions and get real encouragement.

In the meantime, why not phone (or facebook or email or visit) a pastor's wife and ask her one or two of the questions listed above? It may start a friendship that will be just what you need to grow and change this year.

Good news! A baby!

Our son, Nathan and his wife, Rachel who live in New York, couldn't be here for Christmas, so they came this past weekend. The first morning they were here, they brought a beautifully wrapped package to the breakfast table. I opened it and was DELIGHTED to see the picture above.

I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMA!!!!

I've heard so much about being one - it's so fun, it's better than having your own kids, it's like falling in love over again, it's great to spoil them and send them home...I can't wait to love on and spoil this little one. It's hard to keep good news to yourself!

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!!!!!

I haven't written in awhile, but a major overhaul of the blog is coming in January - hang on to your hats!

Caring... but setting limits

We've recently visited different church planters and I was taken aback to hear about all the problems of the people they minister to. How do you minister to troubled people day after day and not just get overwhelmed by it all?

We all want to be the hands and feet of Jesus in this world, but how do you balance helping people without letting their problems affect you and your family? Unfortunately, I don't know the answer to that problem, but I see it as one that needs to be thought about and addressed.

My first thought is that we are tempted to not care or get involved with people and their problems. I remember my mom saying when we would leave to drive 1000 miles to the town where we ministered, "I think people who don't care are better off - then it wouldn't hurt so bad when you leave." She didn't really believe that, but that sentiment can be a temptation for us. People have messy lives and it can just be easier to deal with people on a superficial basis and never get close enough to hear about or get involved with their problems.

Since that's not really an answer, how can we care and yet keep our sanity? We do a lot of flying and I think I've practically memorized the flight attendant's speech. ("In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from above. If you are traveling with a child or someone else needing assistance, place your mask on first, before helping others.") I think this is a good first principle. Our first priority has to be caring for ourselves. This may sound selfish, but we really can't help others if we are not healthy ourselves. Each person has to decide what that looks like, but it is easy to get so absorbed in people's problems that we neglect ourselves and our families. We have to fill ourselves with the right things or there will be nothing to give to others when it is needed.

Connected to caring for oneself is setting limits. There will always be more people to help; more problems to solve; more needs that could be met. Even though Jesus knew He only had 3 years to accomplish His mission, He never seemed rushed or stressed. He knew when to retreat and pray; when to pull away and rest. Are you on the phone for 30 minutes with a needy person while your family is left waiting at the dinner table? What time have you set aside for rest and pleasure? It's difficult because people's problems can't always be scheduled, but giving with no limits is not wise.

When people come to you with huge problems, what can you do? Recognize that God is the ultimate answer to their needs. Yes, sometimes they do need a listening ear or a bag of groceries or guidance, but we can only do so much. We must point them to the ONE who can help them. That means praying with them and asking God for His wisdom. Helping them find guidance in His Word.

When I find myself overwhelmed with the desperate needs of others (lying awake at 3 am), I hand it over to God. I tell Him that I'm willing to do what I can, but I cannot fix every problem. Even if I did know what to do, sometimes people are not ready or willing to do what they must do to change things.

This is a complicated issue - probably too long for this blog. But I'm concerned that many of you carry heavy burdens and they may be weighing you down. What do YOU do when people come to you with their burdens?

Finding focus/faith

It's been a while....

Honestly, where do the days go?!!

I was feeling a little (actually, a lot) overwhelmed this morning as I was making my weekly to-do list. (I feel that way most weeks.) I won't bore you with my list, but I realized that my first focus this morning was on my lists. Instead of starting my day out with prayer and Bible reading, I went straight to the list-making (several lists for several things coming up).

I write curriculum and today's assignment is about having faith. As I pondered how to introduce/explain/apply faith, I realized that faith is a daily issue. It is not just for the big issues we face, but for keeping our focus and trust where we need it...in the only One who can really help us. The people who went to Jesus for their problems found help when they needed it. It's all about who (or what) we depend on - ourselves, our lists, our family or friends, etc. Going to God doesn't always change the circumstances (although sometimes it does), but it does change us. When I shift my focus to God, I am filled with peace and help.

So instead of list-making/worrying/planning FIRST, I will go to God FIRST! (Then I will trust Him to help me do what is most important and do the other things as I can.)

Finding leaders

I mentioned in the last blog that I would talk about finding and discipling leaders. How do you find people who can become leaders that can help others? If you are doing all the discipling, your ministry or church can't grow very big. We need others to join us in this great adventure who will help care for and disciple new and young believers.

Some qualities that I look for:

Spiritual desire --- What does that mean exactly? Well, it's not just one thing, but they need to be a person with a desire to grow. They are on the lookout for ways to learn, help, serve, and share their faith. They think, "God is bringing me opportunities every day." Those kind of people can inspire others.

Outward thinkers --- Are they thinking of others or is it all about ME? Some people are inwardly focused, always wanting attention for themselves. They are easily hurt if they don't get the credit they think they deserve. Invest your time in someone who has a healthy self-image and genuinely cares for other people.

Good people skills --- Are they easy to get along with? Are they fun? Would you want to hang out with them? Jesus came to give us life to the fullest. (John 10:10) People want to be with others who enjoy life.

Dependable - Can you count on them? This may be more important than any of the other qualities. I've met many talented people, but you couldn't count on them to follow through. They forgot, they meant to, they want to, they would love to...but they never seem to get around to it.

There are probably a lot more, but to me, these are some of the most important. Another good question to ask ourselves is: Am I person with these qualities? We can all grow to be leaders who will inspire other leaders who will....

Helping Others Do It

One of the biggest needs we found in church planting was finding and developing leaders. It takes intentional thought and investing in others so they can become leaders who will care about and invest in others, who will care about and invest in others, who will... This is sort of the idea Paul had when he told Timothy to commit the things he had learned to others, who would teach others, who would... (2 Timothy 2:2)

One of the best ways I've found to do this is really a very simple way - modeling. In the beginning of church planting, I tried to do too much of it myself - not wanting to burden others. This was not the best way. When I invited others to help me, I found that they were learning and being discipled at the same time.

Recently, I attended a conference and heard Jon Ferguson share how they develop leaders at his church (apprentices, they call them, because it carries the idea of doing - not just learning). It's quite a simple method and will help you help others do it.

I do; You watch; We talk
I do; You help; We talk
You do; I help; We talk
You do; I watch; We talk
You do; Someone else watches; You talk

You can use this method training your children to do chores or training someone to lead a small group or teach a class. The talk part is important, as this is where help and real growth can take place. A few questions to ask ---
• What worked?
• What didn't work?
• How can we do it better?

I'd love to hear how you train leaders or how you best learned. More on how to find and disciple leaders in the next blog....soon.