There just never seems to be enough time to do all that you need
to do. I remember writing in my journal (on more than one occasion), "I
feel pulled - pulled in so many directions. My family needs me, the church
people have so many needs, my church obligations require a lot of time, my
house looks neglected...the list could go on and on!
How can you balance all that you need to do?
Judy Puckett, a former church planter's wife, offers some very
wise advice, "In my opinion, being a
good wife and mother is our first obligation and primary service to God (Titus
2:5). You are the only wife the pastor has, and the only mother your kids have.
Raising godly children and maintaining a happy, comfortable home for your
husband is one of the greatest contributions a woman can make to the world. No
one else in the church can do your job, so you must do it, and let others do
the things you cannot do."
Brenda Lewis, another former church planter's wife, said that she
had to constantly remind HERSELF of her priorities. "Never did we want to let our kids feel
like they did not have priority. In turn, as they got older, they began
to get involved and take responsibilities and ownership of our church as
well. When we had to change plans to meet church needs, we tried to make
it up to them later."
There are no hard and fast rules, but usually we know in
our guts when it's time to pull back---but we don't always do it. Sometimes our
own expectations and/or the expectations of our husband or even what the church
people want can drive us to do too much. Brenda remembers that it was easy as church
planters to try to pick up all the pieces when there were not others to do
so. She says, "At some point, I
had to learn to 'let' others take some responsibility even when I thought I could
do the job better myself."
I'm not saying that I always get it right, but it is wise to learn
from your mistakes and the advice of others.
Here's some more wise advice from Judy:
You and your
pastor/husband must decide how involved you will be in church activities. These
will depend on your spiritual gifts, your home/work obligations, and your
unique family situation (i.e., number of children, their ages, your health, and
your resources). Of course, you should attend all regular church services when
possible, but you cannot and should not be at the center of every ministry the
church is involved in. Give others the opportunity to grow by taking the
leadership role.
Don’t allow
other people to commit you for duties.
If asked,
don’t be ashamed to politely decline other obligations. Instead of just saying,
“I don’t have time,” thank the person for his/her vote of confidence in you.
Explain that you are involved in several ministries (you may want to name them)
and that you want to do a few things well rather than try to spread yourself
too thin. People will usually understand, but if they don’t, you don’t owe any
other explanation.
