Women Need Women

I'm writing this on August 12th which would have been my Aunt Grace's 87th birthday and yesterday would have been my mom's 79th birthday - both died a few years ago.
Do you ever stop missing your mom after she's gone? I don't think so...

I guess I'm feeling nostalgic and melancholy (not always a good combination), but I thought about how we need godly women in our lives. There are some things only women get (how you can talk for 30 minutes and when asked what you talked about you say, "nothing," and it's really true - you just talked about nothing big, just stuff...)

In the olden days (as my kids used to call it), women used to get together at quilting bees (thank God, we don't do that now as I tried it once and was terrible at it), canned food for the winter together, birthed each other's babies, etc. They were a support system for each other. In our culture (and especially if you are a church planter's wife) women leave their families and move 500 miles away. Who is there when you need a listening ear, a cup of coffee, or help?

Even though my husband is my best friend and I love sharing with him, sometimes I can see his eyes glaze over as I describe the last sale I found...as he tries to endure to the end. (Someone said the theme song for women is "Feelings" and the one for men is "Just the Facts, Ma'am.") Men also tend to want to "fix" the situation. (We have a "code" for needing sympathy - Just "poor baby" me, I ask.) I actually think I'm a better wife IF I have women friends. I don't overburden him with every little thing.

I know you may be thinking that adding another thing (finding and/or spending time with a friend) to your crammed schedule is something you can leave off. But spending time with a friend can renew, encourage, comfort, and help you make it through the "stuff" you're facing. Being married to a church planter makes it even harder - they are often like the old-time cowboys - pioneering works and moving from place to place. That makes it hard to put down roots and make lasting friendships. Make the effort to find at least one friend - it's worth it! Stay connected (it's way easier now than it was in the olden days)!

Pinching Pennies

I haven't been very diligent since I wrote the first two blogs- I would offer some excuses, but I'll save you the effort reading them.

The hardest part about writing (writing anything - thank you notes, condolences, get well, letters, etc) is knowing what to write! So I thought I'd write about saving money and share a few websites that help me.

It's almost back to school and there are great sales on school supplies. Buy enough supplies to last the whole year - not just enough to get started. This will be the first fall that I won't have a child in school in 25 years, but I still stocked up. There are always kids that need supplies or they can be donated them to a local school. A special ed teacher told me that they are always desperate for glue sticks. Wal-Mart honors the ads from other stores, so take all your ads from the Sunday paper and get the penny pencil sharpeners advertised by Office Max and the pens for a dime Walgreen's was offering.

My son alerted me to a good site - http://hip2save.blogspot.com A young mom writes this daily blog alerting readers to good deals. She has the individual stores listed down the right side of the column and you can click on each one to see the deals. One of the best things about this site is that she often has a link to print out a coupon which will discount the item or make it free.

Another site I frequently check is www.5dollardinners.com Erin Chase, a young Christian mom, shows you how to make dinners (for 4 - two adults and two kids) costing $5 or less- usually the ingredients are simple and pretty easy. She also links you to sites where you can print out coupons.

I get tons of great tips to save money from Mary Hunt, who had over $100,000 in credit card debt and slowly worked her way out. Sign up at www.cheapskatemonthly.com to receive her free daily email which shares money-saving ideas, advice, and wisdom.

I figure that every dollar I stretch a little further leaves more that can be used somewhere else!

Share any good websites or ways you've found to save money with the rest of us.

Saying "no" so you can say "yes"

In your busy life, what do you say "no" to so you can say "yes" to the things you want to do?

There are no easy answers and it looks different for different "seasons" of life. My youngest just graduated from college in May and my life now, on its busiest day, is 100 times quieter and less busy than when I had four little ones romping around. Somehow we have bought into the idea that we have to do it all - you know, "we can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and still never let you forget that you are a man cause I'm a woman - a W-0-M-A-N!" (for those of you too young to remember that commercial, sorry!)

But back to the question...

One thing that has helped me is that I have started saying, "Let me check my calendar (husband, etc) and get back to you." This gives me some time to actually think about and to check with my husband to see if this is a good idea. (It's just courteous to consider others in your family when you are making plans!) And a further note...if you have to refuse, you don't have to "defend" your answer or tell why. Just say, "I'm sorry, I can't do that right now."

Ask yourself, "Why am I doing this?" For those who are people pleasers (like myself), it is easy to take on too much. We hate to say no! We need to evaluate why we're doing what we're doing (for other's approval, praise, etc). "I want people to think well of me, so I guess I'll collect for the heart fund. I hate to disappoint Janie, so I guess I'll have a Pampered Chef party." Of course, most of the time, I never think - I just do it.

Ask yourself, "Are there others who could do this?" I have done plenty of things that were very stressful for me because I thought no one else would do it. Once I agreed to teach a high school math class when I can hardly balance the checkbook... what was I thinking? My husband used to say to me, "If no one else is willing, then maybe we really need to consider if we need this ministry." There may no one who will do it like you or even as well as you, but they may be willing to try if you say no.

Limit yourself. There will always be more things to do than time to do them. A church planter's wife can often make a list longer than her arm of things that genuinely NEED to be done. But you can't do it all. You will wear yourself out and you won't be good to anyone. It's better to pick what you enjoy (not that you ONLY get to do things you enjoy) and leave other things undone. Is it hard to know what to leave undone? Yes, but pray and ask God for guidance, then do what you can. Even when Jesus was on earth, He didn't heal or help every one. Sometimes "no" is the best word we can say.

Share with me ways that you've learned to limit your activities so you can do a better job on other things.

Staying on the Train

Support for Ministry Wives

I've been a ministry wife for almost 32 years - first as a youth pastor's wife (you need a good brownie recipe and an open door policy there!), a pastor's wife, and a church planter's wife. In 2000, my husband, Richard, joined the staff of our National Home Missions Department and we moved to Nashville. We travel together training, encouraging, and trying to help our church planters any way we can. In an effort to do a better job and offer a little support, he has asked me to write a blog.

I woke at 3:30 this morning and I remembered that I had not called the venue where we are going to have our ladies tea- which started me thinking about the other things I needed to do for that - and before I knew it, I was wide awake! So I got up, in the hope of getting sleepy if I read my Bible, I made a list of all the things I needed to do (a dull pencil is better than a sharp mind)...

I am watching three kids for the weekend while their parents are away (two are teenagers and you know that involves food)
We're having a prayer meeting at our house Sunday night (ie...make food)
I'm supposed to get this blog to Richard today by noon.
I'm supposed to write an article for a magazine by this afternoon.
Christie and I are cooking the Wednesday night meal at church this week.
We've been rising at 6(AM that is) to walk (I need my sleep to even think...)

All of these involve responsibilities that are hanging over me ---good things, but things you have to think about and prepare for. It's easy to get overwhelmed and just want to check out.

Dr. James Dobson, likened the situation for many women as being on a fast-moving train. Rather than trying to slow the train down, women are jumping off the train saying, "I can't do this anymore!"

At our training meeting a few months ago, church planter wives told us that being with and hearing that other women felt like they did was in a strange way helpful and encouraging (misery loves company HA)

Sometimes I forget how much I need other believers to walk alongside me - after all, who has time to add one more thing to the list. There are some things we can do "solo" but we need others to listen, pray with us, commiserate, encourage and care for us.

I hope this blog will do at least some of those. I plan to write about my own experience as a church planter's wife (probably one of the hardest jobs ever)--- and just my journey as a wife, mother, sister, friend. Sometimes it's easier to have a "friend" or gather information online (at least you don't have to put on makeup or get dressed to connect). Usually I'll post a thought or two and then pose a question. Feel free to email your own thoughts (iron sharpens iron) and even questions. I may not have the answer, but maybe someone else will.
After I wrote my list, I opened my Bible to the next five psalms for the day (I read five a day to jumpstart my own praise).

"God is my refuge and strength - a very present help in trouble. Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:1, 10)

I needed the reminder that I need God's help -and He wants to give it- and that I need to be still and re-focus on Him. He can help me to know what I need to do and give me the strength to do it!

Email me ways that you manage to do all that you need to do and still stay sane - in other words, "how do you stay on the train?"