Part 3... Defeating Depression

On Monday, I shared some insights from the book, Defeating Depression by Leslie Vernick. Wednesday, I shared a Biblical example of Elijah. Today is the last part of this "series" on Depression. (I would encourage you to read this book, if you are interested in learning more.)

When Elijah was depressed, he withdrew from people, yet God never lost track of him and cared for him. Even in our darkest moments, we can be sure that God knows and cares about us. When Elijah shared his feelings with God, he then listened to what God said back to him.

Talking with God (prayer) is always a dialogue. It's the listening part that is so hard for me - the listening and the really believing it part. Oh, I can read it, but then I ask, "Is this really true for ME?"

Jesus repeatedly said that He is the truth and that His words are truth, but do we really believe Him?

Leslie Vernick, in Defeating Depression, gives two questions that we should ask ourselves:

·         Would you feel different today if you really believed God loved you with His whole heart and deeply longed for you to love Him back?

·         Would you see yourself and your life more hopefully if you believed that He has a plan for your life that is good and for your good, even through this depression?

We may believe things with our heads, but not really believe them in our hearts. Unbelief is one of the reasons that Israelites missed out on God's blessings. (Hebrews 3:19)

"Connecting in a personal, heartfelt way to God is one of the most potent things you can do to feel hopeful when life is painful," Vernick writes.

How do we do this?

There are many ways to listen to God. Probably one of the best ways is to read portions of the Bible and reflect on them. This requires being still before God. Vernick says that she even visualizes Jesus coming and sitting in a chair next to her. Writing out her feelings in a journal helps to get things out. Then she reads a passage of Scripture - maybe a whole chapter, maybe just a couple of verses - reading until something speaks to her. Then she says that she imagines Jesus gently asking, "Do you believe me?"

This is often hard to do on our good days, but it is especially hard to read and reflect when depression is camping in our house. But I've found that slowing down to hear God's voice can give me the faith and what I need to keep going. There are other ways to hear God --- sometimes I listen to quiet music, sometimes I go through the hymnal and play the old hymns paying attention to the words, sometimes I re-read my journal and remember God's faithfulness. The key is focusing on God and who He is and what He can do. Connecting with God in a meaningful way gives me hope and renewed faith.

Elijah's experience with depression shows that it can happen to anyone, even the most spiritually minded. His story reminds us that God cares. God, first, took care of Elijah's physical needs with adequate rest and food (a good starting place), but then He personally spoke to Elijah. God is there for us, we must not isolate ourselves from Him. He is waiting to reassure you of His love, His plan for you.

 Do you believe that?  

Where's Your Hope

On Monday, I posted a blog about depression and discussed where our hope should be placed...in God alone. Having our hope in temporary things, which can be lost or destroyed, can cause us to lose hope and feel depressed.

Today, I'd like to give an example from the Bible: Elijah. Elijah was a well-known prophet of Israel and a godly man. Obviously, he was a man of great faith as he prayed that it wouldn't rain and it didn't rain for three and a half years! He was no spiritual slacker, but walked with and was obedient to God.

At God's instructions, he had a great showdown with the prophets of Baal in order to prove whose God was more powerful. (The story is told in 1 Kings 18:18-39.) After this great spiritual victory, why does Elijah suffer such a severe depression that he asked God to take his life?

Vernick in her book, Defeating Depression, suggests a few reasons. Elijah was probably physically and mentally exhausted. But Vernick suggests one thing I had never really seen or thought of before. She says that in order to understand the why, we need to understand who Elijah was and what he hoped for. She says that in the whirlwind of his ministry and the miraculous things he did, his "treasure" began to subtly shift from hoping in God alone to hoping in what God would do next.

Elijah's deepest desire was to see Israel turn her heart back to God. His sole purpose for the confrontation with the prophets of Baal was for Israel to see the greatness of God and repent. The people gave a verbal assent, but they did not really allow God to capture their heart. And Elijah certainly did not convince the king, Ahab, who then told his wife, Jezebel what happened and she ordered the prophet to be killed.

When Elijah heard this, he immediately was filled with fear and ran for his life. He grew despondent. "I have had enough, Lord. Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors." (1 Kings 19:6)

Vernick says that Elijah became depressed when he lost his "treasure." He had hoped that his life and ministry would have a significant impact on Israel and that she would finally turn back to God. But when this didn't happen, he felt disappointed and even hopeless.

We can become depressed when we put our hope in anything but God.

Like Elijah, we can even put our hope in good things, even godly, spiritual things. We can hope for a restored marriage, a repentant prodigal child, or even a meaningful ministry, but when it doesn't happen we feel crushed and disappointed. Our heart is broken. Satan loses no time in these moments and causes us to doubt God's love or goodness.

God tenderly cared for Elijah in his depression; he didn't scold or reject him. First, he cared for his physical needs and then, gently spoke to him. Elijah honestly told God his feelings and God answered him. (1 Kings 19:10-18) God reminded Elijah that HE was in control and there was more to the picture than what Elijah was really seeing (truths he had forgotten in the midst of his depression).

What can we learn from Elijah's experience? How can we make God our hope, our only treasure?

More on that on Friday...

Does it ever seem like a black cloud is over your head and it just won't go away? 

I'm reading an insightful book on depression (Defeating Depression by Leslie Vernick) and would like to share a few thoughts from her book.

The author talks about the complexity of depression - how it's linked to our inner lives AND our bodies and how it's often triggered by situational AND relational difficulties. There's not just one thing that is the origin of depression, making it very difficult to understand. So many things are intertwined in our lives.

She gave the example of a woman named Tina, who was unjustly fired from her job. Because she was so humiliated, she went home, went to bed and wouldn't eat or sleep for days. She thought she'd never find another job. Since she was ashamed, she withdrew from friends and wouldn't answer her phone or email. She even felt angry at God and slightly blamed him for the unfair termination and for not helping her. Her loss quickly spiraled into depression and as you can see, there were physical, emotional, and even spiritual issues involved.

Research has shown that loss is one of the most significant external reasons for depression. Learning to recognize and grieve our losses (even the less obvious ones) is critical, so we can face the turbulent times and still hold on to God.

Vernick says, "Healthy people face loss with great sadness and even some anger, but they don't experience a reduction of self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness, so characteristic of those with depression."

What's the difference between someone who mourns a loss, but knows that someday she will resume her life AND the one who feels she doesn't want to or can't?     

She said that Jesus gives us a clue in these verses:
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."                     (Matthew 6:19-21)

Jesus warns us of the reality of loss - earthly things can be lost, broken, stolen or even destroyed. That's why He said NOT to center our lives on things or people.

She says, "It's not that we can't enjoy them, or even want them, but when they are our primary focus or reason for living (Jesus calls them our "treasure"), the loss of these things creates an unbearable hole and life without them seems hopeless (an environment for depression to flourish)."

Tina's "treasure" was her job and her reputation. When she lost it, she felt worthless and hopeless.

What are some treasures? A marriage, children, a job, physical appearance, possessions - whatever most captures our heart is our treasure.

Jesus wants our treasure to be HIM and our hope to be in Him!

When we center our lives in Him alone, we're not sheltered from sorrows or hardship (which is what I sometimes wish), but we are protected from feelings of hopelessness when we face great losses in our lives.

Where is your hope?

This is the first of three blogs on this subject that I will publish this week. (I know, I know: it's feast or famine) On Wednesday, I will give an example from the Bible about depression and misplaced hope.

Hurry Up!

Hurry is the enemy of depth.

I heard that statement recently and I've been thinking about it. If you're a mom, you probably say "HURRY" a hundred times a day. HURRY and drink your milk, HURRY and eat your food, HURRY and get dressed, HURRY and clean your room, HURRY and finish your homework, HURRY, so we can go!

Why are we in such a rush? Why are we so busy? We almost wear our busy-ness as a badge of honor. We even greet one another with, "Keeping busy?"

I'd say that 100% of you would say that you wish you weren't so busy...that it would be great to be lounging on a warm beach somewhere reading a good novel. (Pause and relish that thought!) But at different stages/times/situations in life, it's a reality. (I remember those days and you just do it; now that my life has slowed down - no kids at home - I realize how crazy it really was!)

BUT it's hard to go deep when you are rushing around like a chicken with your head cut off (love those southern sayings). If we are not intentional, it's easy to rush through our quiet time with God, conversations (because you're also cooking dinner and unloading the dishwasher), putting the kids to bed, meals, sex, etc.

It's takes time to build relationships - you can't rush them. It takes...lingering over a cup of coffee, sharing an ice cream cone, taking a walk, laughing at a good joke, cuddling on the sofa with a movie, really listening, being totally present, roasting marshmallows...the list goes on.

So today, I hope you'll take a deep breath and slow down. Don't do anything drastic, just slow down and enjoy the moment!

PS  I write this in my pajamas after I've been sick for three days - yes, that's right. I haven't worn real clothes in three days. It almost feels luxurious...if I weren't sick!

The Tale of Two Furniture Stores

Last Friday, Richard and I started out (after stopping at a pizza buffet to gather sustenance for the hunt) in search of a new sofa - preferably a sectional. Our old one is tired and whines every time we sit on her.

The first place we stopped was an average run of the mill furniture store - not flashy. We parked right in front of the door, walked in and browsed the aisles (it was actually kind of small so it didn't take us too long to do that). Richard fell in love with a sectional that had cup holders and a place for the remotes. (OH, NO! I thought to myself.) The salesman, an average looking guy, found a price for us in the fabric we wanted. He continued to answer our questions in a straightforward manner - without being pushy.

The next place we stopped was close by, but we could not find the front door. We had to park in a back lot and meander our way past other stores hoping to find the front door. Luckily, we did and began to browse the aisles there (a little bigger with an "overflow" room).  The salesman was slick - dressed nicely and agreed with anything you said. There were no prices on the tags, except enormously exaggerated prices with an X marked through each one. We asked about a price and he had to go ask the owner. He came back and said we needed to sit down because this was such a GREAT DEAL! (Just give it to me, Mister-- I can take it!) The TODAY ONLY price was still more than the other store.

After we left, I told Richard I saw so many parallels between sofa shopping and church shopping (minus the God factor, of course). May I share a few parallels that jumped out me?

Make it easy for folks to find you. Maps, signs, and more signs can help people know they are going the right way.

Be genuine. I was so turned off by the slick salesman. Be yourself. Be interested in others. Be real.

Be up front about who you are. If you're not a mega-church, don't pretend to be. Do what you do well. Your church is not for everyone. I know how hard it is to see ANYONE leave (when you don't have many to start with), but each person is looking for something different. If they're not going where you are going, better to let them keep shopping.

Keep the main thing the main thing. I didn't care about the surroundings or the extra stuff, I needed a sofa. People need Jesus - that's why you do what you do! HE is the most important part of every service and introducing people to Him is the primary thing.

Well, I never expected to connect our furniture shopping to church planting, but hey, it must be imbedded in the brain. Forgive me for "preaching!"

PS Don't you just love the sectional in the picture - but, oh no, where are the cup holders?!

Ms. Good Intentions

Do you ever hear a sermon and think, "I should do that" but walk out and never do anything? (Okay, have I forgotten that I am writing to church planter wives who are rarely in a church service! Sorry.)

Or maybe you've read the Bible or heard truth or had an impression that compels you to DO something? (Whenever we hear truth, there is always a choice - do we act on it or do we ignore/do nothing about it.)

Yesterday we heard a sermon about the fruit of the Spirit - love. I felt like I should love someone when I left. (Our pastor emphasized that we love others because God FIRST loved us - what a great motivation for love.)

But you know how life goes...you get busy with your own stuff and the next Sunday rolls around before you think about last week's sermon/challenge. I'm the master of good intentions - it's not that I don't intend to follow through, I intend to, but I don't always get around to it. In fact, on top of my desk are several books/items/cards/things that need to be mailed or taken care of. (See picture above)

For instance, I read a book and had the idea/impression to send it to a friend that I thought could be helped by it. Days went on and it keep staring me in the face, but I knew it meant leafing through the book and finding the quote that I didn't mark and then writing a letter (the ultimate follow through for me) and then taking it to the post office. Are you tired just reading this?

Well, this morning, I told myself, "Self, today, you must show love and mail that book!" And you know what, I leafed through the book, found the quote, wrote the letter, put it in a big envelope (luckily there was one still on my desk that I re-used) and mailed it! Now, I'm praying that it will show this person my love and also speak to them deeply of God's love.

And you know what I thought as I did it (a saying I used to say to my kids came to mind), "Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?!"

I'm a Grandma!!!!

I'm a grandma now!!! Last Tuesday morning (July 26th) at 8:45am, William Alexander Atwood was born in Rochester, NY (weighing 7 lbs and was 21 inches long).

Our middle son, Nathan and his wife, Rachel became the parents of the sweetest baby in the world!

Richard and I think we are really too young to be grandparents, but oh, well, we still love it!

 The hard part....leaving him only two days later!