Does it ever seem like a black cloud is over your head and it just won't go away? 

I'm reading an insightful book on depression (Defeating Depression by Leslie Vernick) and would like to share a few thoughts from her book.

The author talks about the complexity of depression - how it's linked to our inner lives AND our bodies and how it's often triggered by situational AND relational difficulties. There's not just one thing that is the origin of depression, making it very difficult to understand. So many things are intertwined in our lives.

She gave the example of a woman named Tina, who was unjustly fired from her job. Because she was so humiliated, she went home, went to bed and wouldn't eat or sleep for days. She thought she'd never find another job. Since she was ashamed, she withdrew from friends and wouldn't answer her phone or email. She even felt angry at God and slightly blamed him for the unfair termination and for not helping her. Her loss quickly spiraled into depression and as you can see, there were physical, emotional, and even spiritual issues involved.

Research has shown that loss is one of the most significant external reasons for depression. Learning to recognize and grieve our losses (even the less obvious ones) is critical, so we can face the turbulent times and still hold on to God.

Vernick says, "Healthy people face loss with great sadness and even some anger, but they don't experience a reduction of self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness, so characteristic of those with depression."

What's the difference between someone who mourns a loss, but knows that someday she will resume her life AND the one who feels she doesn't want to or can't?     

She said that Jesus gives us a clue in these verses:
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."                     (Matthew 6:19-21)

Jesus warns us of the reality of loss - earthly things can be lost, broken, stolen or even destroyed. That's why He said NOT to center our lives on things or people.

She says, "It's not that we can't enjoy them, or even want them, but when they are our primary focus or reason for living (Jesus calls them our "treasure"), the loss of these things creates an unbearable hole and life without them seems hopeless (an environment for depression to flourish)."

Tina's "treasure" was her job and her reputation. When she lost it, she felt worthless and hopeless.

What are some treasures? A marriage, children, a job, physical appearance, possessions - whatever most captures our heart is our treasure.

Jesus wants our treasure to be HIM and our hope to be in Him!

When we center our lives in Him alone, we're not sheltered from sorrows or hardship (which is what I sometimes wish), but we are protected from feelings of hopelessness when we face great losses in our lives.

Where is your hope?

This is the first of three blogs on this subject that I will publish this week. (I know, I know: it's feast or famine) On Wednesday, I will give an example from the Bible about depression and misplaced hope.

Hurry Up!

Hurry is the enemy of depth.

I heard that statement recently and I've been thinking about it. If you're a mom, you probably say "HURRY" a hundred times a day. HURRY and drink your milk, HURRY and eat your food, HURRY and get dressed, HURRY and clean your room, HURRY and finish your homework, HURRY, so we can go!

Why are we in such a rush? Why are we so busy? We almost wear our busy-ness as a badge of honor. We even greet one another with, "Keeping busy?"

I'd say that 100% of you would say that you wish you weren't so busy...that it would be great to be lounging on a warm beach somewhere reading a good novel. (Pause and relish that thought!) But at different stages/times/situations in life, it's a reality. (I remember those days and you just do it; now that my life has slowed down - no kids at home - I realize how crazy it really was!)

BUT it's hard to go deep when you are rushing around like a chicken with your head cut off (love those southern sayings). If we are not intentional, it's easy to rush through our quiet time with God, conversations (because you're also cooking dinner and unloading the dishwasher), putting the kids to bed, meals, sex, etc.

It's takes time to build relationships - you can't rush them. It takes...lingering over a cup of coffee, sharing an ice cream cone, taking a walk, laughing at a good joke, cuddling on the sofa with a movie, really listening, being totally present, roasting marshmallows...the list goes on.

So today, I hope you'll take a deep breath and slow down. Don't do anything drastic, just slow down and enjoy the moment!

PS  I write this in my pajamas after I've been sick for three days - yes, that's right. I haven't worn real clothes in three days. It almost feels luxurious...if I weren't sick!

The Tale of Two Furniture Stores

Last Friday, Richard and I started out (after stopping at a pizza buffet to gather sustenance for the hunt) in search of a new sofa - preferably a sectional. Our old one is tired and whines every time we sit on her.

The first place we stopped was an average run of the mill furniture store - not flashy. We parked right in front of the door, walked in and browsed the aisles (it was actually kind of small so it didn't take us too long to do that). Richard fell in love with a sectional that had cup holders and a place for the remotes. (OH, NO! I thought to myself.) The salesman, an average looking guy, found a price for us in the fabric we wanted. He continued to answer our questions in a straightforward manner - without being pushy.

The next place we stopped was close by, but we could not find the front door. We had to park in a back lot and meander our way past other stores hoping to find the front door. Luckily, we did and began to browse the aisles there (a little bigger with an "overflow" room).  The salesman was slick - dressed nicely and agreed with anything you said. There were no prices on the tags, except enormously exaggerated prices with an X marked through each one. We asked about a price and he had to go ask the owner. He came back and said we needed to sit down because this was such a GREAT DEAL! (Just give it to me, Mister-- I can take it!) The TODAY ONLY price was still more than the other store.

After we left, I told Richard I saw so many parallels between sofa shopping and church shopping (minus the God factor, of course). May I share a few parallels that jumped out me?

Make it easy for folks to find you. Maps, signs, and more signs can help people know they are going the right way.

Be genuine. I was so turned off by the slick salesman. Be yourself. Be interested in others. Be real.

Be up front about who you are. If you're not a mega-church, don't pretend to be. Do what you do well. Your church is not for everyone. I know how hard it is to see ANYONE leave (when you don't have many to start with), but each person is looking for something different. If they're not going where you are going, better to let them keep shopping.

Keep the main thing the main thing. I didn't care about the surroundings or the extra stuff, I needed a sofa. People need Jesus - that's why you do what you do! HE is the most important part of every service and introducing people to Him is the primary thing.

Well, I never expected to connect our furniture shopping to church planting, but hey, it must be imbedded in the brain. Forgive me for "preaching!"

PS Don't you just love the sectional in the picture - but, oh no, where are the cup holders?!

Ms. Good Intentions

Do you ever hear a sermon and think, "I should do that" but walk out and never do anything? (Okay, have I forgotten that I am writing to church planter wives who are rarely in a church service! Sorry.)

Or maybe you've read the Bible or heard truth or had an impression that compels you to DO something? (Whenever we hear truth, there is always a choice - do we act on it or do we ignore/do nothing about it.)

Yesterday we heard a sermon about the fruit of the Spirit - love. I felt like I should love someone when I left. (Our pastor emphasized that we love others because God FIRST loved us - what a great motivation for love.)

But you know how life goes...you get busy with your own stuff and the next Sunday rolls around before you think about last week's sermon/challenge. I'm the master of good intentions - it's not that I don't intend to follow through, I intend to, but I don't always get around to it. In fact, on top of my desk are several books/items/cards/things that need to be mailed or taken care of. (See picture above)

For instance, I read a book and had the idea/impression to send it to a friend that I thought could be helped by it. Days went on and it keep staring me in the face, but I knew it meant leafing through the book and finding the quote that I didn't mark and then writing a letter (the ultimate follow through for me) and then taking it to the post office. Are you tired just reading this?

Well, this morning, I told myself, "Self, today, you must show love and mail that book!" And you know what, I leafed through the book, found the quote, wrote the letter, put it in a big envelope (luckily there was one still on my desk that I re-used) and mailed it! Now, I'm praying that it will show this person my love and also speak to them deeply of God's love.

And you know what I thought as I did it (a saying I used to say to my kids came to mind), "Now, that wasn't so bad, was it?!"

I'm a Grandma!!!!

I'm a grandma now!!! Last Tuesday morning (July 26th) at 8:45am, William Alexander Atwood was born in Rochester, NY (weighing 7 lbs and was 21 inches long).

Our middle son, Nathan and his wife, Rachel became the parents of the sweetest baby in the world!

Richard and I think we are really too young to be grandparents, but oh, well, we still love it!

 The hard part....leaving him only two days later!

Balancing it all

There just never seems to be enough time to do all that you need to do. I remember writing in my journal (on more than one occasion), "I feel pulled - pulled in so many directions. My family needs me, the church people have so many needs, my church obligations require a lot of time, my house looks neglected...the list could go on and on!

How can you balance all that you need to do?

Judy Puckett, a former church planter's wife, offers some very wise advice, "In my opinion, being a good wife and mother is our first obligation and primary service to God (Titus 2:5). You are the only wife the pastor has, and the only mother your kids have. Raising godly children and maintaining a happy, comfortable home for your husband is one of the greatest contributions a woman can make to the world. No one else in the church can do your job, so you must do it, and let others do the things you cannot do."

Brenda Lewis, another former church planter's wife, said that she had to constantly remind HERSELF of her priorities. "Never did we want to let our kids feel like they did not have priority.  In turn, as they got older, they began to get involved and take responsibilities and ownership of our church as well.  When we had to change plans to meet church needs, we tried to make it up to them later."

There are no hard and fast rules, but usually we know in our guts when it's time to pull back---but we don't always do it. Sometimes our own expectations and/or the expectations of our husband or even what the church people want can drive us to do too much. Brenda remembers that it was easy as church planters to try to pick up all the pieces when there were not others to do so. She says, "At some point, I had to learn to 'let' others take some responsibility even when I thought I could do the job better myself." 

I'm not saying that I always get it right, but it is wise to learn from your mistakes and the advice of others.

Here's some more wise advice from Judy:

You and your pastor/husband must decide how involved you will be in church activities. These will depend on your spiritual gifts, your home/work obligations, and your unique family situation (i.e., number of children, their ages, your health, and your resources). Of course, you should attend all regular church services when possible, but you cannot and should not be at the center of every ministry the church is involved in. Give others the opportunity to grow by taking the leadership role.

Don’t allow other people to commit you for duties.

If asked, don’t be ashamed to politely decline other obligations. Instead of just saying, “I don’t have time,” thank the person for his/her vote of confidence in you. Explain that you are involved in several ministries (you may want to name them) and that you want to do a few things well rather than try to spread yourself too thin. People will usually understand, but if they don’t, you don’t owe any other explanation.

Making time for all you need/should/could do requires much thought and prayer. I found that making a list of what I am doing and would like to do helps me see it in black and white. Some things may have to be crossed off permanently and some temporarily. The list is constantly changing, so keep re-visiting it to see if what you are doing matches your priorities. I know you know all this, but sometimes it's easy to lose sight of what's most important in the thick of doing ministry.

Today I want to share the story of Brian and Melissa Lewis. They joined the Home Mission family as associate missionaries to work as the Family Pastor in McKinney, Texas with Randall and Colette Wright. Since that time, they have been on an emotional/spiritual/physical roller coaster!

They started fundraising in January 2011 and on March 30th, Melissa was diagnosed with stage 3c ovarian cancer so they suspended the move as she went through aggressive treatment. In September 2011, she received word that the cancer was not in remission and probably never would be so they resigned themselves that Texas was not in their future.

In January of this year, Melissa was given a break from chemotherapy and they decided that maybe they could still go. So Brian resigned from his position at Oaklawn FWB Church and they started fundraising again. He is planning to work as a teacher so he applied for a teaching job in Texas.

As they were preparing to move, Melissa had to have emergency gall bladder surgery and while in the hospital, they found she still has the cancer. They just moved to a rental house today (they had to be out of the parsonage) in Tennessee and are praying for God's guidance.

I have to tell you that it is so hard for me to understand so much of what is happening.

Would you join me in praying for Brian and Melissa and their family to have wisdom, guidance, and God's peace through all this?

Read more about her story at her blog --- lifeasalewis.blogspot.com. (She is a talented blogger and photographer.)