It's almost Christmas and do you find yourself doubting? Oh, not about the birth of Jesus because we know and trust the story recorded in the Bible. I'm talking about thoughts such as:
Did I really get enough for that person? Will they be happy with what I gave them? What about the neighbors or mail carrier? What if someone gives us a gift and I don't have one for them? Maybe I should add another meat or dessert for the meal. What if I run out of food?
Thoughts such as these can ruin the good planning and work I've already done. It causes me to dash out into the cold cruel stores to buy and spend more than I had planned to (for which I will be sorry in January when the bill arrives)! Why do I buy into the idea that Christmas is about gifts and spend so much of my time and worry on that aspect of Christmas?!
Yes, Christmas IS about giving, after all God gave us the best gift He had so we could have life. But I must keep it all in perspective and not get so caught up in giving physical gifts that I neglect the true meaning of Christmas. How about a personal letter written to each member of the family to share what you love and appreciate about them? I have a friend who writes a poem sharing her feelings about the highlights of the year with each family member. These are cherished gifts that cost nothing. (Of course, that would mean I have to sit down and think and who has time for that?!)
One year my husband suggested that we get all the Christmas shopping done early and have the entire week before Christmas to be together and enjoy each other's company. We read Christmas stories each night and played games. That was one of the best Christmases we had. Giving ourselves may be the best gift of all.
I hope this Christmas is a happy one for you and your family.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Shopping and waiting
Yesterday I was in the store and I saw a lady shopping with her two children. She was joyful - so I paid attention. She sang along with the store music - she spoke respectfully to her kids - she asked their opinion. While we were waiting at the dressing room, she smiled and spoke to me. This made me think about others that I see in the store - rushing around, growling at the clerks, yelling at their kids. (I do know kids bring out the worst in you at the checkout by the candy!)
It made me think about the kind of person I am when I'm out shopping. Am I joyful? Am I patient? Am I kind? Am I angry? Am I snippy? Am I caring to others? Am I so focused on what I'm doing that I don't even notice others?
When Jesus went from place to place, He was always connecting with people. While he was waiting for food, He spoke to the woman by the well. While He was walking by a funeral procession, He saw a mother's sadness and comforted her. While He was waiting to speak, He lifted some children to His lap and loved on them. While waiting for His disciples to finish fishing, He made them breakfast.
I'm not a good wait-er - I don't like to wait- in fact, I even hate to wait at the microwave! But what if I used those times of waiting - in the checkout line, at the dressing room, sitting in the doctor's office, waiting in the carpool line... to connect with people. What if I prayed for waiting opportunities (that might be a bit much!) and looked for chances to care for and bring joy to others? What if I prayed for the people in the car next to me while I waited at the traffic light? Who knows what might happen?
It made me think about the kind of person I am when I'm out shopping. Am I joyful? Am I patient? Am I kind? Am I angry? Am I snippy? Am I caring to others? Am I so focused on what I'm doing that I don't even notice others?
When Jesus went from place to place, He was always connecting with people. While he was waiting for food, He spoke to the woman by the well. While He was walking by a funeral procession, He saw a mother's sadness and comforted her. While He was waiting to speak, He lifted some children to His lap and loved on them. While waiting for His disciples to finish fishing, He made them breakfast.
I'm not a good wait-er - I don't like to wait- in fact, I even hate to wait at the microwave! But what if I used those times of waiting - in the checkout line, at the dressing room, sitting in the doctor's office, waiting in the carpool line... to connect with people. What if I prayed for waiting opportunities (that might be a bit much!) and looked for chances to care for and bring joy to others? What if I prayed for the people in the car next to me while I waited at the traffic light? Who knows what might happen?
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Celebrate and Evaluate
It's 10pm on Saturday night and I wrote on my calendar on Monday - "Write and post blog." Well, I only have a couple of more hours until the week is over and I either have to write a blog or write it on next week's calendar (which I do way too frequently). To top it off the good girl voice over my left shoulder says, "And you know you said you were going to write regularly." So here goes...
On Tuesday night of this past week, I hosted an evaluation meeting/dinner and it reinforced for me the need to gather and evaluate. (Always a great excuse for women to get together - but who really needs an excuse?!) The women on the planning committee shared their thoughts about what we did right and what we could do better. It was a chance for us to celebrate and jot down our thoughts about everything -from food to follow-up (From...make more chicken salad to... send notes to our guests.) There were many things that I missed and others noticed. Listening to others gave me insight and hopefully will help us make changes that will make the event even better the next time.
As a pastor/church planter's wife, I think we're sometimes afraid to ask for feedback. (Some are way too willing to be critical and who needs more reason to doubt yourself?!) That's why it's nice to evaluate specific events and share ways to do "church" better. I heard of one church who even paid a "mystery shopper" to evaluate them. Taking the time and effort to think about what does and doesn't work makes others feel that their opinion counts and can make the next event better (if we can remember where we put the notes from the meeting).
On Tuesday night of this past week, I hosted an evaluation meeting/dinner and it reinforced for me the need to gather and evaluate. (Always a great excuse for women to get together - but who really needs an excuse?!) The women on the planning committee shared their thoughts about what we did right and what we could do better. It was a chance for us to celebrate and jot down our thoughts about everything -from food to follow-up (From...make more chicken salad to... send notes to our guests.) There were many things that I missed and others noticed. Listening to others gave me insight and hopefully will help us make changes that will make the event even better the next time.
As a pastor/church planter's wife, I think we're sometimes afraid to ask for feedback. (Some are way too willing to be critical and who needs more reason to doubt yourself?!) That's why it's nice to evaluate specific events and share ways to do "church" better. I heard of one church who even paid a "mystery shopper" to evaluate them. Taking the time and effort to think about what does and doesn't work makes others feel that their opinion counts and can make the next event better (if we can remember where we put the notes from the meeting).
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Staying Motivated - Part 2
Having written last time (and it's been less than a week which may be a miracle) about how people can encourage and help us, I decided while reading Psalm 62 this morning that I needed to write part 2 to that thought. While people can help us stay motivated, people can also drain us and cause us to LOSE motivation! The paradox of people... ministry would be great if we had no people to deal with, but we would have no ministry if we had no people!
I remember a time when we had some criticism in the church and how discouraged I felt. I didn't even want to go to church and face people! It was while reading Psalm 62 that GOD encouraged me. Let me share a few thoughts...
God is ultimately our source of help and strength.
While it is good to have friends to share our pain and sadness, we must remember that GOD is our main source of help. Someone said, "Go the throne before you go to the phone."
David said to God, "You alone are my rock and salvation. My fortress where I will never be shaken" and in a later verse He instructs us, "Pour out your heart to Him." It is tempting to go from one to the other and "explain" your side of the story. In my opinion, that seems to keep things stirred up.
Accept that people will hurt you - some intentionally, but most unintentionally. Sometimes it's not even about you- they are already hurting and you happen to be in their path. Even people in church are imperfect humans and they don't always do the right thing (do you?). We are all in need of God's help and mercy. Giving that to others - especially when they hurt us- is a supernatural gift.
We will all answer to God for what we say or do.
I comforted by the fact that God will judge other's wrong actions to me (Get 'em, God), but it sobers me to think that I too will answer for my words and actions. Just because they act ugly and say hurtful things doesn't give me the right to do that back (not matter how justified I feel).
I remember a time when we had some criticism in the church and how discouraged I felt. I didn't even want to go to church and face people! It was while reading Psalm 62 that GOD encouraged me. Let me share a few thoughts...
God is ultimately our source of help and strength.
While it is good to have friends to share our pain and sadness, we must remember that GOD is our main source of help. Someone said, "Go the throne before you go to the phone."
David said to God, "You alone are my rock and salvation. My fortress where I will never be shaken" and in a later verse He instructs us, "Pour out your heart to Him." It is tempting to go from one to the other and "explain" your side of the story. In my opinion, that seems to keep things stirred up.
Accept that people will hurt you - some intentionally, but most unintentionally. Sometimes it's not even about you- they are already hurting and you happen to be in their path. Even people in church are imperfect humans and they don't always do the right thing (do you?). We are all in need of God's help and mercy. Giving that to others - especially when they hurt us- is a supernatural gift.
We will all answer to God for what we say or do.
I comforted by the fact that God will judge other's wrong actions to me (Get 'em, God), but it sobers me to think that I too will answer for my words and actions. Just because they act ugly and say hurtful things doesn't give me the right to do that back (not matter how justified I feel).
Having written last time (and it's been less than a week which may be a miracle) about how people can encourage and help us, I decided while reading Psalm 62 this morning that I needed to write part 2 to that thought. While people can help us stay motivated, people can also drain us and cause us to LOSE motivation! The paradox of people... ministry would be great if we had no people to deal with, but we would have no ministry if we had no people!
I remember a time when we had some criticism in the church and how discouraged I felt. I didn't even want to go to church and face people! It was while reading Psalm 62 that GOD encouraged me. Let me share a few thoughts...
God is ultimately our source of help and strength.
While it is good to have friends to share our pain and sadness, we must remember that GOD is our main source of help. Someone said, "Go the throne before you go to the phone."
David said to God, "You alone are my rock and salvation. My fortress where I will never be shaken" and in a later verse He instructs us, "Pour out your heart to Him." It is tempting to go from one to the other and "explain" your side of the story. In my opinion, that seems to keep things stirred up.
Accept that people will hurt you - some intentionally, but most unintentionally. Sometimes it's not even about you- they are already hurting and you happen to be in their path. Even people in church are imperfect humans and they don't always do the right thing (do you?). We are all in need of God's help and mercy. Giving that to others - especially when they hurt us- is a supernatural gift.
We will all answer to God for what we say or do.
I comforted by the fact that God will judge other's wrong actions to me (Get 'em, God), but it sobers me to think that I too will answer for my words and actions. Just because they act ugly and say hurtful things doesn't give me the right to do that back (not matter how justified I feel).
I remember a time when we had some criticism in the church and how discouraged I felt. I didn't even want to go to church and face people! It was while reading Psalm 62 that GOD encouraged me. Let me share a few thoughts...
God is ultimately our source of help and strength.
While it is good to have friends to share our pain and sadness, we must remember that GOD is our main source of help. Someone said, "Go the throne before you go to the phone."
David said to God, "You alone are my rock and salvation. My fortress where I will never be shaken" and in a later verse He instructs us, "Pour out your heart to Him." It is tempting to go from one to the other and "explain" your side of the story. In my opinion, that seems to keep things stirred up.
Accept that people will hurt you - some intentionally, but most unintentionally. Sometimes it's not even about you- they are already hurting and you happen to be in their path. Even people in church are imperfect humans and they don't always do the right thing (do you?). We are all in need of God's help and mercy. Giving that to others - especially when they hurt us- is a supernatural gift.
We will all answer to God for what we say or do.
I comforted by the fact that God will judge other's wrong actions to me (Get 'em, God), but it sobers me to think that I too will answer for my words and actions. Just because they act ugly and say hurtful things doesn't give me the right to do that back (not matter how justified I feel).
Friday, October 2, 2009
Staying Motivated
Recently, I was in charge of a ladies tea whose purpose was to bring women to hear the good news about Jesus. I asked other women to help, but as the day got closer I realized that I was feeling overwhelmed (it didn't help that I was out of town the week before the tea). Overwhelming feelings usually are accompanied by other emotions - inadequacy, stress, worry, and the "what was I thinking?" emotion! Two days before the tea I was wishing that I hadn't even agreed to do this.
Now, I knew having the tea was a great idea, but I was out of desire/motivation/spiritual energy. It reminded me of other times and events where I just wanted it to be over. (I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's true.) How do you "work up" the desire/motivation/energy to do things?
Well, there are probably a lot of different answers, but I'll tell you a couple of things that worked for me.
First, other people helped me. That afternoon, I was grousing to my daughter over tea and she shared amazing ideas for the door prizes. (which leads me to a second thought - don't leave things until the last minute - then you hate to ask people and are left doing it yourself- but I digress) I was energized by her energy! God gave us other people to help and encourage us - the Bible uses the illustration of a body working together. Other ladies in my church performed their responsibilities with diligence (hostessing the tables, praying, making food, doing follow-up, etc.). Including other people makes them feel wanted and it also helps you. Even simple tasks can be delegated if we think and ask others to help us.
Second, do what you know to do even when you don't feel like it. Sometimes we don't do good things because we're waiting for some kind of mysterious feeling. I've found if I will get up and do something that needs to be done (make that phone call, write that letter, clean just one room, etc) it gives me just enough motivation to do more. My husband always says, "feelings FOLLOW obedience." I usually like to wait for the feeling to do what I know is right. Doing it - even if it's out of a sense of duty and because you know you have to and other people are counting on you - can bring amazing results.
I'm determined to add pictures to my blog (I've haven't been writing, but I'm going to do better - You're probably saying, "follow your own advice!") Thank you, I believe I will.
The pictures are from our ladies tea held at the Longview Mansion here in Nashville.
Now, I knew having the tea was a great idea, but I was out of desire/motivation/spiritual energy. It reminded me of other times and events where I just wanted it to be over. (I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's true.) How do you "work up" the desire/motivation/energy to do things?
Well, there are probably a lot of different answers, but I'll tell you a couple of things that worked for me.
First, other people helped me. That afternoon, I was grousing to my daughter over tea and she shared amazing ideas for the door prizes. (which leads me to a second thought - don't leave things until the last minute - then you hate to ask people and are left doing it yourself- but I digress) I was energized by her energy! God gave us other people to help and encourage us - the Bible uses the illustration of a body working together. Other ladies in my church performed their responsibilities with diligence (hostessing the tables, praying, making food, doing follow-up, etc.). Including other people makes them feel wanted and it also helps you. Even simple tasks can be delegated if we think and ask others to help us.
Second, do what you know to do even when you don't feel like it. Sometimes we don't do good things because we're waiting for some kind of mysterious feeling. I've found if I will get up and do something that needs to be done (make that phone call, write that letter, clean just one room, etc) it gives me just enough motivation to do more. My husband always says, "feelings FOLLOW obedience." I usually like to wait for the feeling to do what I know is right. Doing it - even if it's out of a sense of duty and because you know you have to and other people are counting on you - can bring amazing results.
I'm determined to add pictures to my blog (I've haven't been writing, but I'm going to do better - You're probably saying, "follow your own advice!") Thank you, I believe I will.
The pictures are from our ladies tea held at the Longview Mansion here in Nashville.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Women Need Women
I'm writing this on August 12th which would have been my Aunt Grace's 87th birthday and yesterday would have been my mom's 79th birthday - both died a few years ago.
Do you ever stop missing your mom after she's gone? I don't think so...
I guess I'm feeling nostalgic and melancholy (not always a good combination), but I thought about how we need godly women in our lives. There are some things only women get (how you can talk for 30 minutes and when asked what you talked about you say, "nothing," and it's really true - you just talked about nothing big, just stuff...)
In the olden days (as my kids used to call it), women used to get together at quilting bees (thank God, we don't do that now as I tried it once and was terrible at it), canned food for the winter together, birthed each other's babies, etc. They were a support system for each other. In our culture (and especially if you are a church planter's wife) women leave their families and move 500 miles away. Who is there when you need a listening ear, a cup of coffee, or help?
Even though my husband is my best friend and I love sharing with him, sometimes I can see his eyes glaze over as I describe the last sale I found...as he tries to endure to the end. (Someone said the theme song for women is "Feelings" and the one for men is "Just the Facts, Ma'am.") Men also tend to want to "fix" the situation. (We have a "code" for needing sympathy - Just "poor baby" me, I ask.) I actually think I'm a better wife IF I have women friends. I don't overburden him with every little thing.
I know you may be thinking that adding another thing (finding and/or spending time with a friend) to your crammed schedule is something you can leave off. But spending time with a friend can renew, encourage, comfort, and help you make it through the "stuff" you're facing. Being married to a church planter makes it even harder - they are often like the old-time cowboys - pioneering works and moving from place to place. That makes it hard to put down roots and make lasting friendships. Make the effort to find at least one friend - it's worth it! Stay connected (it's way easier now than it was in the olden days)!
Do you ever stop missing your mom after she's gone? I don't think so...
I guess I'm feeling nostalgic and melancholy (not always a good combination), but I thought about how we need godly women in our lives. There are some things only women get (how you can talk for 30 minutes and when asked what you talked about you say, "nothing," and it's really true - you just talked about nothing big, just stuff...)
In the olden days (as my kids used to call it), women used to get together at quilting bees (thank God, we don't do that now as I tried it once and was terrible at it), canned food for the winter together, birthed each other's babies, etc. They were a support system for each other. In our culture (and especially if you are a church planter's wife) women leave their families and move 500 miles away. Who is there when you need a listening ear, a cup of coffee, or help?
Even though my husband is my best friend and I love sharing with him, sometimes I can see his eyes glaze over as I describe the last sale I found...as he tries to endure to the end. (Someone said the theme song for women is "Feelings" and the one for men is "Just the Facts, Ma'am.") Men also tend to want to "fix" the situation. (We have a "code" for needing sympathy - Just "poor baby" me, I ask.) I actually think I'm a better wife IF I have women friends. I don't overburden him with every little thing.
I know you may be thinking that adding another thing (finding and/or spending time with a friend) to your crammed schedule is something you can leave off. But spending time with a friend can renew, encourage, comfort, and help you make it through the "stuff" you're facing. Being married to a church planter makes it even harder - they are often like the old-time cowboys - pioneering works and moving from place to place. That makes it hard to put down roots and make lasting friendships. Make the effort to find at least one friend - it's worth it! Stay connected (it's way easier now than it was in the olden days)!
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