It's 10pm on Saturday night and I wrote on my calendar on Monday - "Write and post blog." Well, I only have a couple of more hours until the week is over and I either have to write a blog or write it on next week's calendar (which I do way too frequently). To top it off the good girl voice over my left shoulder says, "And you know you said you were going to write regularly." So here goes...
On Tuesday night of this past week, I hosted an evaluation meeting/dinner and it reinforced for me the need to gather and evaluate. (Always a great excuse for women to get together - but who really needs an excuse?!) The women on the planning committee shared their thoughts about what we did right and what we could do better. It was a chance for us to celebrate and jot down our thoughts about everything -from food to follow-up (From...make more chicken salad to... send notes to our guests.) There were many things that I missed and others noticed. Listening to others gave me insight and hopefully will help us make changes that will make the event even better the next time.
As a pastor/church planter's wife, I think we're sometimes afraid to ask for feedback. (Some are way too willing to be critical and who needs more reason to doubt yourself?!) That's why it's nice to evaluate specific events and share ways to do "church" better. I heard of one church who even paid a "mystery shopper" to evaluate them. Taking the time and effort to think about what does and doesn't work makes others feel that their opinion counts and can make the next event better (if we can remember where we put the notes from the meeting).
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Staying Motivated - Part 2
Having written last time (and it's been less than a week which may be a miracle) about how people can encourage and help us, I decided while reading Psalm 62 this morning that I needed to write part 2 to that thought. While people can help us stay motivated, people can also drain us and cause us to LOSE motivation! The paradox of people... ministry would be great if we had no people to deal with, but we would have no ministry if we had no people!
I remember a time when we had some criticism in the church and how discouraged I felt. I didn't even want to go to church and face people! It was while reading Psalm 62 that GOD encouraged me. Let me share a few thoughts...
God is ultimately our source of help and strength.
While it is good to have friends to share our pain and sadness, we must remember that GOD is our main source of help. Someone said, "Go the throne before you go to the phone."
David said to God, "You alone are my rock and salvation. My fortress where I will never be shaken" and in a later verse He instructs us, "Pour out your heart to Him." It is tempting to go from one to the other and "explain" your side of the story. In my opinion, that seems to keep things stirred up.
Accept that people will hurt you - some intentionally, but most unintentionally. Sometimes it's not even about you- they are already hurting and you happen to be in their path. Even people in church are imperfect humans and they don't always do the right thing (do you?). We are all in need of God's help and mercy. Giving that to others - especially when they hurt us- is a supernatural gift.
We will all answer to God for what we say or do.
I comforted by the fact that God will judge other's wrong actions to me (Get 'em, God), but it sobers me to think that I too will answer for my words and actions. Just because they act ugly and say hurtful things doesn't give me the right to do that back (not matter how justified I feel).
I remember a time when we had some criticism in the church and how discouraged I felt. I didn't even want to go to church and face people! It was while reading Psalm 62 that GOD encouraged me. Let me share a few thoughts...
God is ultimately our source of help and strength.
While it is good to have friends to share our pain and sadness, we must remember that GOD is our main source of help. Someone said, "Go the throne before you go to the phone."
David said to God, "You alone are my rock and salvation. My fortress where I will never be shaken" and in a later verse He instructs us, "Pour out your heart to Him." It is tempting to go from one to the other and "explain" your side of the story. In my opinion, that seems to keep things stirred up.
Accept that people will hurt you - some intentionally, but most unintentionally. Sometimes it's not even about you- they are already hurting and you happen to be in their path. Even people in church are imperfect humans and they don't always do the right thing (do you?). We are all in need of God's help and mercy. Giving that to others - especially when they hurt us- is a supernatural gift.
We will all answer to God for what we say or do.
I comforted by the fact that God will judge other's wrong actions to me (Get 'em, God), but it sobers me to think that I too will answer for my words and actions. Just because they act ugly and say hurtful things doesn't give me the right to do that back (not matter how justified I feel).
Having written last time (and it's been less than a week which may be a miracle) about how people can encourage and help us, I decided while reading Psalm 62 this morning that I needed to write part 2 to that thought. While people can help us stay motivated, people can also drain us and cause us to LOSE motivation! The paradox of people... ministry would be great if we had no people to deal with, but we would have no ministry if we had no people!
I remember a time when we had some criticism in the church and how discouraged I felt. I didn't even want to go to church and face people! It was while reading Psalm 62 that GOD encouraged me. Let me share a few thoughts...
God is ultimately our source of help and strength.
While it is good to have friends to share our pain and sadness, we must remember that GOD is our main source of help. Someone said, "Go the throne before you go to the phone."
David said to God, "You alone are my rock and salvation. My fortress where I will never be shaken" and in a later verse He instructs us, "Pour out your heart to Him." It is tempting to go from one to the other and "explain" your side of the story. In my opinion, that seems to keep things stirred up.
Accept that people will hurt you - some intentionally, but most unintentionally. Sometimes it's not even about you- they are already hurting and you happen to be in their path. Even people in church are imperfect humans and they don't always do the right thing (do you?). We are all in need of God's help and mercy. Giving that to others - especially when they hurt us- is a supernatural gift.
We will all answer to God for what we say or do.
I comforted by the fact that God will judge other's wrong actions to me (Get 'em, God), but it sobers me to think that I too will answer for my words and actions. Just because they act ugly and say hurtful things doesn't give me the right to do that back (not matter how justified I feel).
I remember a time when we had some criticism in the church and how discouraged I felt. I didn't even want to go to church and face people! It was while reading Psalm 62 that GOD encouraged me. Let me share a few thoughts...
God is ultimately our source of help and strength.
While it is good to have friends to share our pain and sadness, we must remember that GOD is our main source of help. Someone said, "Go the throne before you go to the phone."
David said to God, "You alone are my rock and salvation. My fortress where I will never be shaken" and in a later verse He instructs us, "Pour out your heart to Him." It is tempting to go from one to the other and "explain" your side of the story. In my opinion, that seems to keep things stirred up.
Accept that people will hurt you - some intentionally, but most unintentionally. Sometimes it's not even about you- they are already hurting and you happen to be in their path. Even people in church are imperfect humans and they don't always do the right thing (do you?). We are all in need of God's help and mercy. Giving that to others - especially when they hurt us- is a supernatural gift.
We will all answer to God for what we say or do.
I comforted by the fact that God will judge other's wrong actions to me (Get 'em, God), but it sobers me to think that I too will answer for my words and actions. Just because they act ugly and say hurtful things doesn't give me the right to do that back (not matter how justified I feel).
Friday, October 2, 2009
Staying Motivated
Recently, I was in charge of a ladies tea whose purpose was to bring women to hear the good news about Jesus. I asked other women to help, but as the day got closer I realized that I was feeling overwhelmed (it didn't help that I was out of town the week before the tea). Overwhelming feelings usually are accompanied by other emotions - inadequacy, stress, worry, and the "what was I thinking?" emotion! Two days before the tea I was wishing that I hadn't even agreed to do this.
Now, I knew having the tea was a great idea, but I was out of desire/motivation/spiritual energy. It reminded me of other times and events where I just wanted it to be over. (I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's true.) How do you "work up" the desire/motivation/energy to do things?
Well, there are probably a lot of different answers, but I'll tell you a couple of things that worked for me.
First, other people helped me. That afternoon, I was grousing to my daughter over tea and she shared amazing ideas for the door prizes. (which leads me to a second thought - don't leave things until the last minute - then you hate to ask people and are left doing it yourself- but I digress) I was energized by her energy! God gave us other people to help and encourage us - the Bible uses the illustration of a body working together. Other ladies in my church performed their responsibilities with diligence (hostessing the tables, praying, making food, doing follow-up, etc.). Including other people makes them feel wanted and it also helps you. Even simple tasks can be delegated if we think and ask others to help us.
Second, do what you know to do even when you don't feel like it. Sometimes we don't do good things because we're waiting for some kind of mysterious feeling. I've found if I will get up and do something that needs to be done (make that phone call, write that letter, clean just one room, etc) it gives me just enough motivation to do more. My husband always says, "feelings FOLLOW obedience." I usually like to wait for the feeling to do what I know is right. Doing it - even if it's out of a sense of duty and because you know you have to and other people are counting on you - can bring amazing results.
I'm determined to add pictures to my blog (I've haven't been writing, but I'm going to do better - You're probably saying, "follow your own advice!") Thank you, I believe I will.
The pictures are from our ladies tea held at the Longview Mansion here in Nashville.
Now, I knew having the tea was a great idea, but I was out of desire/motivation/spiritual energy. It reminded me of other times and events where I just wanted it to be over. (I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's true.) How do you "work up" the desire/motivation/energy to do things?
Well, there are probably a lot of different answers, but I'll tell you a couple of things that worked for me.
First, other people helped me. That afternoon, I was grousing to my daughter over tea and she shared amazing ideas for the door prizes. (which leads me to a second thought - don't leave things until the last minute - then you hate to ask people and are left doing it yourself- but I digress) I was energized by her energy! God gave us other people to help and encourage us - the Bible uses the illustration of a body working together. Other ladies in my church performed their responsibilities with diligence (hostessing the tables, praying, making food, doing follow-up, etc.). Including other people makes them feel wanted and it also helps you. Even simple tasks can be delegated if we think and ask others to help us.
Second, do what you know to do even when you don't feel like it. Sometimes we don't do good things because we're waiting for some kind of mysterious feeling. I've found if I will get up and do something that needs to be done (make that phone call, write that letter, clean just one room, etc) it gives me just enough motivation to do more. My husband always says, "feelings FOLLOW obedience." I usually like to wait for the feeling to do what I know is right. Doing it - even if it's out of a sense of duty and because you know you have to and other people are counting on you - can bring amazing results.
I'm determined to add pictures to my blog (I've haven't been writing, but I'm going to do better - You're probably saying, "follow your own advice!") Thank you, I believe I will.
The pictures are from our ladies tea held at the Longview Mansion here in Nashville.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Women Need Women
I'm writing this on August 12th which would have been my Aunt Grace's 87th birthday and yesterday would have been my mom's 79th birthday - both died a few years ago.
Do you ever stop missing your mom after she's gone? I don't think so...
I guess I'm feeling nostalgic and melancholy (not always a good combination), but I thought about how we need godly women in our lives. There are some things only women get (how you can talk for 30 minutes and when asked what you talked about you say, "nothing," and it's really true - you just talked about nothing big, just stuff...)
In the olden days (as my kids used to call it), women used to get together at quilting bees (thank God, we don't do that now as I tried it once and was terrible at it), canned food for the winter together, birthed each other's babies, etc. They were a support system for each other. In our culture (and especially if you are a church planter's wife) women leave their families and move 500 miles away. Who is there when you need a listening ear, a cup of coffee, or help?
Even though my husband is my best friend and I love sharing with him, sometimes I can see his eyes glaze over as I describe the last sale I found...as he tries to endure to the end. (Someone said the theme song for women is "Feelings" and the one for men is "Just the Facts, Ma'am.") Men also tend to want to "fix" the situation. (We have a "code" for needing sympathy - Just "poor baby" me, I ask.) I actually think I'm a better wife IF I have women friends. I don't overburden him with every little thing.
I know you may be thinking that adding another thing (finding and/or spending time with a friend) to your crammed schedule is something you can leave off. But spending time with a friend can renew, encourage, comfort, and help you make it through the "stuff" you're facing. Being married to a church planter makes it even harder - they are often like the old-time cowboys - pioneering works and moving from place to place. That makes it hard to put down roots and make lasting friendships. Make the effort to find at least one friend - it's worth it! Stay connected (it's way easier now than it was in the olden days)!
Do you ever stop missing your mom after she's gone? I don't think so...
I guess I'm feeling nostalgic and melancholy (not always a good combination), but I thought about how we need godly women in our lives. There are some things only women get (how you can talk for 30 minutes and when asked what you talked about you say, "nothing," and it's really true - you just talked about nothing big, just stuff...)
In the olden days (as my kids used to call it), women used to get together at quilting bees (thank God, we don't do that now as I tried it once and was terrible at it), canned food for the winter together, birthed each other's babies, etc. They were a support system for each other. In our culture (and especially if you are a church planter's wife) women leave their families and move 500 miles away. Who is there when you need a listening ear, a cup of coffee, or help?
Even though my husband is my best friend and I love sharing with him, sometimes I can see his eyes glaze over as I describe the last sale I found...as he tries to endure to the end. (Someone said the theme song for women is "Feelings" and the one for men is "Just the Facts, Ma'am.") Men also tend to want to "fix" the situation. (We have a "code" for needing sympathy - Just "poor baby" me, I ask.) I actually think I'm a better wife IF I have women friends. I don't overburden him with every little thing.
I know you may be thinking that adding another thing (finding and/or spending time with a friend) to your crammed schedule is something you can leave off. But spending time with a friend can renew, encourage, comfort, and help you make it through the "stuff" you're facing. Being married to a church planter makes it even harder - they are often like the old-time cowboys - pioneering works and moving from place to place. That makes it hard to put down roots and make lasting friendships. Make the effort to find at least one friend - it's worth it! Stay connected (it's way easier now than it was in the olden days)!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Pinching Pennies
I haven't been very diligent since I wrote the first two blogs- I would offer some excuses, but I'll save you the effort reading them.
The hardest part about writing (writing anything - thank you notes, condolences, get well, letters, etc) is knowing what to write! So I thought I'd write about saving money and share a few websites that help me.
It's almost back to school and there are great sales on school supplies. Buy enough supplies to last the whole year - not just enough to get started. This will be the first fall that I won't have a child in school in 25 years, but I still stocked up. There are always kids that need supplies or they can be donated them to a local school. A special ed teacher told me that they are always desperate for glue sticks. Wal-Mart honors the ads from other stores, so take all your ads from the Sunday paper and get the penny pencil sharpeners advertised by Office Max and the pens for a dime Walgreen's was offering.
My son alerted me to a good site - http://hip2save.blogspot.com A young mom writes this daily blog alerting readers to good deals. She has the individual stores listed down the right side of the column and you can click on each one to see the deals. One of the best things about this site is that she often has a link to print out a coupon which will discount the item or make it free.
Another site I frequently check is www.5dollardinners.com Erin Chase, a young Christian mom, shows you how to make dinners (for 4 - two adults and two kids) costing $5 or less- usually the ingredients are simple and pretty easy. She also links you to sites where you can print out coupons.
I get tons of great tips to save money from Mary Hunt, who had over $100,000 in credit card debt and slowly worked her way out. Sign up at www.cheapskatemonthly.com to receive her free daily email which shares money-saving ideas, advice, and wisdom.
I figure that every dollar I stretch a little further leaves more that can be used somewhere else!
Share any good websites or ways you've found to save money with the rest of us.
The hardest part about writing (writing anything - thank you notes, condolences, get well, letters, etc) is knowing what to write! So I thought I'd write about saving money and share a few websites that help me.
It's almost back to school and there are great sales on school supplies. Buy enough supplies to last the whole year - not just enough to get started. This will be the first fall that I won't have a child in school in 25 years, but I still stocked up. There are always kids that need supplies or they can be donated them to a local school. A special ed teacher told me that they are always desperate for glue sticks. Wal-Mart honors the ads from other stores, so take all your ads from the Sunday paper and get the penny pencil sharpeners advertised by Office Max and the pens for a dime Walgreen's was offering.
My son alerted me to a good site - http://hip2save.blogspot.com A young mom writes this daily blog alerting readers to good deals. She has the individual stores listed down the right side of the column and you can click on each one to see the deals. One of the best things about this site is that she often has a link to print out a coupon which will discount the item or make it free.
Another site I frequently check is www.5dollardinners.com Erin Chase, a young Christian mom, shows you how to make dinners (for 4 - two adults and two kids) costing $5 or less- usually the ingredients are simple and pretty easy. She also links you to sites where you can print out coupons.
I get tons of great tips to save money from Mary Hunt, who had over $100,000 in credit card debt and slowly worked her way out. Sign up at www.cheapskatemonthly.com to receive her free daily email which shares money-saving ideas, advice, and wisdom.
I figure that every dollar I stretch a little further leaves more that can be used somewhere else!
Share any good websites or ways you've found to save money with the rest of us.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Saying "no" so you can say "yes"
In your busy life, what do you say "no" to so you can say "yes" to the things you want to do?
There are no easy answers and it looks different for different "seasons" of life. My youngest just graduated from college in May and my life now, on its busiest day, is 100 times quieter and less busy than when I had four little ones romping around. Somehow we have bought into the idea that we have to do it all - you know, "we can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and still never let you forget that you are a man cause I'm a woman - a W-0-M-A-N!" (for those of you too young to remember that commercial, sorry!)
But back to the question...
One thing that has helped me is that I have started saying, "Let me check my calendar (husband, etc) and get back to you." This gives me some time to actually think about and to check with my husband to see if this is a good idea. (It's just courteous to consider others in your family when you are making plans!) And a further note...if you have to refuse, you don't have to "defend" your answer or tell why. Just say, "I'm sorry, I can't do that right now."
Ask yourself, "Why am I doing this?" For those who are people pleasers (like myself), it is easy to take on too much. We hate to say no! We need to evaluate why we're doing what we're doing (for other's approval, praise, etc). "I want people to think well of me, so I guess I'll collect for the heart fund. I hate to disappoint Janie, so I guess I'll have a Pampered Chef party." Of course, most of the time, I never think - I just do it.
Ask yourself, "Are there others who could do this?" I have done plenty of things that were very stressful for me because I thought no one else would do it. Once I agreed to teach a high school math class when I can hardly balance the checkbook... what was I thinking? My husband used to say to me, "If no one else is willing, then maybe we really need to consider if we need this ministry." There may no one who will do it like you or even as well as you, but they may be willing to try if you say no.
Limit yourself. There will always be more things to do than time to do them. A church planter's wife can often make a list longer than her arm of things that genuinely NEED to be done. But you can't do it all. You will wear yourself out and you won't be good to anyone. It's better to pick what you enjoy (not that you ONLY get to do things you enjoy) and leave other things undone. Is it hard to know what to leave undone? Yes, but pray and ask God for guidance, then do what you can. Even when Jesus was on earth, He didn't heal or help every one. Sometimes "no" is the best word we can say.
Share with me ways that you've learned to limit your activities so you can do a better job on other things.
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