Support for ministry wives

Phone a Friend

2012-01-31T13:22:00.000-08:00

Who do you call (outside your family) when you have a big need or question about life/ministry?

Do you have other women you can call that have (probably) been where you are and can offer words of encouragement?

Do you women who can speak truth to you so you can continue to change and grow?

I remember feeling isolated and worn out in ministry. That doesn't mean you don't love God or love people. We all feel discouraged and need others to just listen and reassure us that yes, this will pass...God will work...you are not crazy...you will make it. And we need others to help us see where we can grow. Being in relationship with others and learning from them can help us see new ways to think and minister.

Recently my daughter asked to interview me as a part of her training with Campus Crusade. She asked me five questions about ministry and we had a meaningful spiritual conversation.

1. Describe for me one of your best years of ministry? What factors contributed to that being one of the best?
2. What unwelcomed assignments or experiences actually helped you grow and develop in ways for which you are now grateful?
3. Describe for me your relationship with a mentor of yours?
4. What have you done to remain clear about God's call on your life? Describe for me a time you doubted you where the Lord desired for you to serve? How did you move past that time?
5. Describe for me a time when you really had to live by faith or step out in faith to do what God was asking you to do?

I know personally that I don't have enough spiritual conversations with people and I want that to change. It seems we talk about food, the weather, the kids, etc. but not much about God and growing. I know we are all busy, so how can do more of this?

This year in the blog, I am interviewing church planter's wives who have been where you have been and can hopefully shed some light/encouragement/perspective to you. I am really going to write more often (pinky promise!) and hopefully we can build a community of caring women who can ask honest questions and get real encouragement.

In the meantime, why not phone (or facebook or email or visit) a pastor's wife and ask her one or two of the questions listed above? It may start a friendship that will be just what you need to grow and change this year.

Good news! A baby!

2012-01-14T08:23:00.000-08:00

Our son, Nathan and his wife, Rachel who live in New York, couldn't be here for Christmas, so they came this past weekend. The first morning they were here, they brought a beautifully wrapped package to the breakfast table. I opened it and was DELIGHTED to see the picture above.

I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMA!!!!

I've heard so much about being one - it's so fun, it's better than having your own kids, it's like falling in love over again, it's great to spoil them and send them home...I can't wait to love on and spoil this little one. It's hard to keep good news to yourself!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-22T19:18:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!!!!!

I haven't written in awhile, but a major overhaul of the blog is coming in January - hang on to your hats!

Caring... but setting limits

2011-09-15T10:35:00.000-07:00

We've recently visited different church planters and I was taken aback to hear about all the problems of the people they minister to. How do you minister to troubled people day after day and not just get overwhelmed by it all?

We all want to be the hands and feet of Jesus in this world, but how do you balance helping people without letting their problems affect you and your family? Unfortunately, I don't know the answer to that problem, but I see it as one that needs to be thought about and addressed.

My first thought is that we are tempted to not care or get involved with people and their problems. I remember my mom saying when we would leave to drive 1000 miles to the town where we ministered, "I think people who don't care are better off - then it wouldn't hurt so bad when you leave." She didn't really believe that, but that sentiment can be a temptation for us. People have messy lives and it can just be easier to deal with people on a superficial basis and never get close enough to hear about or get involved with their problems.

Since that's not really an answer, how can we care and yet keep our sanity? We do a lot of flying and I think I've practically memorized the flight attendant's speech. ("In the event of a loss of cabin pressure, an oxygen mask will drop from above. If you are traveling with a child or someone else needing assistance, place your mask on first, before helping others.") I think this is a good first principle. Our first priority has to be caring for ourselves. This may sound selfish, but we really can't help others if we are not healthy ourselves. Each person has to decide what that looks like, but it is easy to get so absorbed in people's problems that we neglect ourselves and our families. We have to fill ourselves with the right things or there will be nothing to give to others when it is needed.

Connected to caring for oneself is setting limits. There will always be more people to help; more problems to solve; more needs that could be met. Even though Jesus knew He only had 3 years to accomplish His mission, He never seemed rushed or stressed. He knew when to retreat and pray; when to pull away and rest. Are you on the phone for 30 minutes with a needy person while your family is left waiting at the dinner table? What time have you set aside for rest and pleasure? It's difficult because people's problems can't always be scheduled, but giving with no limits is not wise.

When people come to you with huge problems, what can you do? Recognize that God is the ultimate answer to their needs. Yes, sometimes they do need a listening ear or a bag of groceries or guidance, but we can only do so much. We must point them to the ONE who can help them. That means praying with them and asking God for His wisdom. Helping them find guidance in His Word.

When I find myself overwhelmed with the desperate needs of others (lying awake at 3 am), I hand it over to God. I tell Him that I'm willing to do what I can, but I cannot fix every problem. Even if I did know what to do, sometimes people are not ready or willing to do what they must do to change things.

This is a complicated issue - probably too long for this blog. But I'm concerned that many of you carry heavy burdens and they may be weighing you down. What do YOU do when people come to you with their burdens?

Finding focus/faith

2011-07-25T06:41:00.000-07:00

It's been a while....

Honestly, where do the days go?!!

I was feeling a little (actually, a lot) overwhelmed this morning as I was making my weekly to-do list. (I feel that way most weeks.) I won't bore you with my list, but I realized that my first focus this morning was on my lists. Instead of starting my day out with prayer and Bible reading, I went straight to the list-making (several lists for several things coming up).

I write curriculum and today's assignment is about having faith. As I pondered how to introduce/explain/apply faith, I realized that faith is a daily issue. It is not just for the big issues we face, but for keeping our focus and trust where we need it...in the only One who can really help us. The people who went to Jesus for their problems found help when they needed it. It's all about who (or what) we depend on - ourselves, our lists, our family or friends, etc. Going to God doesn't always change the circumstances (although sometimes it does), but it does change us. When I shift my focus to God, I am filled with peace and help.

So instead of list-making/worrying/planning FIRST, I will go to God FIRST! (Then I will trust Him to help me do what is most important and do the other things as I can.)

Finding leaders

2011-06-13T08:17:00.000-07:00

I mentioned in the last blog that I would talk about finding and discipling leaders. How do you find people who can become leaders that can help others? If you are doing all the discipling, your ministry or church can't grow very big. We need others to join us in this great adventure who will help care for and disciple new and young believers.

Some qualities that I look for:

Spiritual desire --- What does that mean exactly? Well, it's not just one thing, but they need to be a person with a desire to grow. They are on the lookout for ways to learn, help, serve, and share their faith. They think, "God is bringing me opportunities every day." Those kind of people can inspire others.

Outward thinkers --- Are they thinking of others or is it all about ME? Some people are inwardly focused, always wanting attention for themselves. They are easily hurt if they don't get the credit they think they deserve. Invest your time in someone who has a healthy self-image and genuinely cares for other people.

Good people skills --- Are they easy to get along with? Are they fun? Would you want to hang out with them? Jesus came to give us life to the fullest. (John 10:10) People want to be with others who enjoy life.

Dependable - Can you count on them? This may be more important than any of the other qualities. I've met many talented people, but you couldn't count on them to follow through. They forgot, they meant to, they want to, they would love to...but they never seem to get around to it.

There are probably a lot more, but to me, these are some of the most important. Another good question to ask ourselves is: Am I person with these qualities? We can all grow to be leaders who will inspire other leaders who will....

Helping Others Do It

2011-05-08T04:42:00.000-07:00

One of the biggest needs we found in church planting was finding and developing leaders. It takes intentional thought and investing in others so they can become leaders who will care about and invest in others, who will care about and invest in others, who will... This is sort of the idea Paul had when he told Timothy to commit the things he had learned to others, who would teach others, who would... (2 Timothy 2:2)

One of the best ways I've found to do this is really a very simple way - modeling. In the beginning of church planting, I tried to do too much of it myself - not wanting to burden others. This was not the best way. When I invited others to help me, I found that they were learning and being discipled at the same time.

Recently, I attended a conference and heard Jon Ferguson share how they develop leaders at his church (apprentices, they call them, because it carries the idea of doing - not just learning). It's quite a simple method and will help you help others do it.

I do; You watch; We talk
I do; You help; We talk
You do; I help; We talk
You do; I watch; We talk
You do; Someone else watches; You talk

You can use this method training your children to do chores or training someone to lead a small group or teach a class. The talk part is important, as this is where help and real growth can take place. A few questions to ask ---
• What worked?
• What didn't work?
• How can we do it better?

I'd love to hear how you train leaders or how you best learned. More on how to find and disciple leaders in the next blog....soon.

Crazy cycle

2011-03-18T06:30:00.000-07:00

Richard and I are speaking at a couple's retreat for a church planter near Memphis this weekend, so we've been researching and writing a new talk. We read the book, Love and Respect, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. An important truth that I never really understood clearly was how men and women view criticism or confrontation. Dr. Eggerichs says that men and women see this differently.

For instance, as a rule, women are the confronters, the ones who want to get things out on the table and get them settled. He says that a wife who is in love with her husband will move toward him when she feels unloved. For example, it's their first year of marriage and he has been late to dinner two nights in a row without calling. She says to herself, "This is wrong. How can he be so insensitive. Am I last on his priority list? This is unloving." SO she proceeds to say what she believes is the loving thing when he comes home: "We need to talk. Please sit down and talk to me."

This is the same approach she would use with a girlfriend. They both usually verbalize their feelings and share what is on their hearts, because they know it will eventually lead to reconciliation. At some point, one of them will say, "Well, I was wrong." Then the other will say, "No, I was wrong too. Will you forgive me?" The other will say, "Of course, I'll forgive you. I'm really sorry." Then they hug, shed a few tears, and pretty soon they're laughing.

So she thinks this approach will work with her husband just as well as it does with her girlfriends. Her eventual goal is that both of them will apologize and then embrace. It's a way of keeping their marriage up-to-date. She wants to resolve things and to reconcile.

Eggerichs says that when men hear negative criticism, it doesn't take them long to interpret that as disrespect and contempt for who they are as men. He thinks, "I can never please her. I don't deserve this kind of talk. Everybody respects me except you. You're just picking a fight. I wish you would just be quiet." When a husband can take it no longer, he gets up and walks out without a word. He might as well have screamed, "I don't love you." She has tried to move toward him and he has proved he is the most hostile, unloving man on the planet. He doesn't want to fight verbally or physically. (This makes her see him as cold and uncaring.) Women hear silence as hostility.

I think you get the picture. Eggerichs says we get on this crazy cycle and keep misinterpreting what our spouses are saying. Small things become bigger than they really are. I would highly recommend the book. If you've read it, maybe you have another insight to share.

Clenched fist principle

2011-02-28T06:36:00.000-08:00

Someone recently shared with me the principle of the clenched fist. It says that you can only clench your fist for a short time, then you must release it. When I was a church planter's wife, I needed to remember this. Too many times, I kept going at breakneck speed without slowing down. I remember trying to find the balance between home and church. I now think that balancing may not be the best word. How much does each part get? 50/50 or 60/40 or 90/10?

There were weeks when special things were going on at church and 100% was needed. I had to leave some things undone at home that week. BUT I could not keep that up (clenched fist) week after week. I had to pull back after the special event.

There were weeks when my family needed me (a sick child, a family problem, a special occasion) and I had to do the minimum at church. I found that being fully present and giving my best to what is needed (genuinely needed - not what others or even myself thought was expected) at the time seemed to work for me.

It's not always clear and the lines are often blurred. (Do I really need to go with my husband for a hospital visit or do I need to stay home and play a game with the kids? Do I take on that extra job at church or volunteer at my kids' school?) Each one has to sort through and decide when and how to give and when to pull back. You can't keep clenching your fist - it's okay to release and rest some.

How do you make it work?

Cutting each other some slack

2011-02-14T13:28:00.000-08:00

I recently spoke at a pastor's wives retreat - one of my favorite things to do! Get a group of pastor's wives together and you have a party ready to happen! Who knew?!

Anyhow, in one of my talks I mentioned that I didn't want my husband to hate getting into the car on Sunday morning (after church) because of all my "helpful advice." (Your sermon was too long; you said "ain't" three times; you scratched your head over and over, etc.) One of the wives mentioned to me that she hadn't really thought of it like that and she realized that it had become a bad habit for her.

Now all of us women want our hubbies to look good. And if we don't tell them, who will?! Right? Well, I've come to realize that husbands have a super strong need for respect and they don't think of our "helpful advice" as being all that helpful. They think, "I can never be good enough, I can never please you, I don't deserve this kind of talk..." and they feel criticized and disrespected.

Maybe you're saying, "Well, when my husband acts a little more deserving of my respect, I'll give it to him." God told us to respect our husbands (Ephesians 5:33) and withholding it when we feel like it, is wrong. Sure, they may say or do things that send us over the edge (some day it takes less than others), but your hubby is probably good-hearted and really does love you. I think we need to give each other a little more slack. Just saying...

Happy Valentine's Day to my sweetie!

Come on in and sit right down!

2011-02-04T11:09:00.000-08:00

As you can see from the picture above, we had dinner guests this week. My husband invited six new church planters to come for a week of training (Boot Camp, it's called), so they (and two of their wives and two kids) came to our house for dinner on Tuesday night and I was reminded again just how good it is to connect with people in your home. We had lots of laughs around the table and then a sweet time of praying for each other afterward.

But it also reminded me of the many excuses I can come up with about having people over.

Can I share a few tips that help me to overcome my hesitation?

Relax. Nobody really notices the stains on the carpet or the wall that needs to be painted or how badly the cabinets need to be wiped down (or at least I hoped they didn't - smile). I can see all the flaws in our house and worry that things are not nice enough or fancy enough or ________. Do you care about those things when you're invited to dinner at someone's house? Probably not - so just relax.

Have a few simple meals that you know how to prepare and repeat those. If you've ever eaten at my house, I've probably served you lasagna, spaghetti (if you came on the spur of the moment) or cornflake chicken and cheese potatoes - with an easy dessert. That's my repertoire! I could probably make those simple dishes in my sleep. I know the ingredients I need and how long it takes to cook. (Although, did you know that it takes chicken thighs longer to cook than it does the breast pieces? - I found that out this week when I cut into my chicken thigh.)

Let others (and the grocery store) help you. You don't have to be superwoman. You can find lots of great desserts and rolls and other yummy foods at most grocery stores. And if people offer to bring something, say yes.

Fill your sink with hot, soapy water and drop the dishes in to soak. When I clear the table of dishes before dessert, I drop them in and let them soak. After my guests leave, it only takes minutes to finish up - to load the dishwasher or wash by hand.

Enjoy your guests. Take time to get to know them and hear their stories. It will bond you together in a new way.

New beginnings...

2011-01-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

Don't you just love new beginnings? A new chance to start over... to get it right this time... to wipe the slate clean and forget about last year's failures... ahhh, to do it better! (Or at least try!)

I did get my closet cleaned out and organized - if you could have seen my closet, you would have known how impressive that statement was. I had fabric left over from a project I did ten years ago and curtains that I made for our first house in Delaware (30 years ago)! Why I was saving them I'll never know...emotional attachment?...I did sew them myself--- or my own thriftiness...I may use them again? Who knows? ANYHOW, they're at the Goodwill now.

I've determined to get things organized and keep it that way. How long will this wishful/determined feeling last?! It gives me such a good feeling to get rid of things I no longer wear (or can fit into). Without all the extra stuff filling up the space, I can actually see what I have and it doesn't get as wrinkled all jammed in there. Simplify...simplify....simplify!

Anyhow, I hope you have a good beginning to the new year. Hope you have a fresh zeal and renewed energy (okay that may be a stretch coming on the heels of such a hectic Christmas holiday).

PS Someone ask me in March how clean my closet is and I will see how well I am doing.

Christmas Experiment

2010-12-18T18:58:00.000-08:00

I read 1 John 4:12 ("No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and His love is brought to full expression in us." NLT) a couple of weeks ago and the thought of being an expression of God's love jumped out at me. What would that look like? How am I doing at being an expression of God's love?

So I decided to try an experiment. For the time remaining till Christmas, I would consciously try to be God's expression of love to the people around me (including family).

It's been a couple of weeks and I have to tell you that it's changed my attitude about Christmas and shopping and the rest. I look forward to each outing and am on the lookout to see what will happen. Instead of dreading shopping, I anticipate opportunities to show God's love to people.

For example, I ran into CVS to pick up a couple of things before heading home. I briefly asked the new clerk something about Christmas and she launched into a lengthy story of how she had just moved to Nashville from Illinois, but left all her family behind. I felt God nudging me to slow down and listen and genuinely hear her story. She told me about the gifts she had made for her grandchildren (afghans with each of their names on them) and how much she loved them, etc. Instead of feeling irritation at this interruption of my scheduled stops, I tried to show love and kindness that Jesus would have given her if He were here on earth.

I know this is a really simple thought (and something I should be doing every day of my life) but it has given me a new perspective and more opportunities to show God's love to people. And isn't that what Christmas is really about....God loving and giving His best to people.

Merry Christmas...may we all be an expression of God's great love to those who need it.

Spending Wisely

2010-11-30T14:44:00.000-08:00

“I will very gladly spend and be spent for you.”
2 Corinthians 12:15

Paul was writing this and he was willing to spend his life for others. Someone has said that life is like a coin – (no, Forrest it is not like a box of chocolates!) you have one chance to spend it and then it’s gone. There are no re-do’s. Each day must be used wisely in service to God and others.

As we approach the holiday season, I can honestly say that I usually feel "spent" at the end of each day. BUT I don't exactly think that's what Paul had in mind.

How am I investing my life for God and others this holiday season?

As I pondered this question, I realized how easy it is for all the shopping, wrapping, cooking, and celebrating to eclipse the true meaning. And I'm not exactly sure what to do. I have good intentions at the beginning of December, but by Christmas Eve, I'm one crazy woman shopping for that last gift!

How do you slow down enough to focus on the true meaning of Christmas?

A couple of things I want to do...

Share Christ with someone this year. This could mean giving a tract (I saw the parking attendant reading a tract someone had given her as I pulled out of a parking garage, so you never know what could happen) or meeting with my hairdresser for coffee and specifically sharing the gospel message (I've sowed a lot of seeds so far.) or who knows...maybe if I just listen closely to God, He will guide me.

Spend some time thinking about God's great gift to me every day. What a great sacrifice Jesus made coming to the earth as a baby to grow up and give up His life for me!

I would share more ideas, but I don't want to be so ambitious that I get overwhelmed and give up before I even get started. Please share any ideas of how you focus on the true meaning of Christmas.

Spend your coin wisely.

Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-18T09:26:00.000-08:00

It's almost Thanksgiving week, so I decided to make my Thanksgiving list. Of course, this is something I should do every day because I have so much to be thankful for. Focusing on what I have creates a contentment that creates a peaceful me - not so much yearning and wishing for more.

I'm thankful for:

At the top would have to be forgiveness of sin and a real relationship with God - I honestly can't even believe that He (the GOD of the universe) wants to have a relationship and continues to love me, in spite of myself.

Purpose in life - I usually wake up with several things on my list to do each day - and that's a good thing - I enjoy what I do - I love working from home in my pj's. I love traveling with Richard to visit the church planters.

I would have to put Richard (husband) at top of list, too. Now that all the kiddies are gone and it's just us, I am re-discovering how much I enjoy being with him.

I love my family - and love spending time with them.

My sister - we talk every day and can finish each other's sentences. Once a week, we pray together via cell phone.

A washing machine - it's scrubbing my clothes as I write this. (AAAAHHHHH)

These are just a few of the things I wrote down...there's so much more - friends, plenty of food, warm house, health, hot showers, books, good car that runs, the list is pretty long.

Of course, I'm thankful for ministry wives who are serving alongside their husbands loving people and giving so much to build God's kingdom. Thank you for all your hard work!

Happy Thanksgiving!

What's Really Important

2010-10-26T00:29:00.000-07:00

I was just in South Carolina visiting our daughter and I was reminded of how God is always shaping us. Rachel (who I hadn't seen since August when she moved there to work on the campus of USC Spartanburg with Campus Crusade) and I had a delightful time together - eating, laughing, shopping (at the Goodwill, of course) and just being together.

The three short days flew by and it was the last morning I was there. I made her a chocolate and toast breakfast (a sweet - literally- family tradition) and we went back to her room. I was intent on finishing up the curtains. We had bought ribbon for tiebacks, but had to screw in the cup hooks and cut the ribbon to size. I had just started when Rachel said from the bed, "Just lay back down here beside me, Mom." I reminded her that we needed to finish the curtains and she reminded me that she cared more about the spending the last few minutes we had together talking and cuddling (yes, even at 22 years old they still like to cuddle).

I constantly need that reminder! You see, I'm a Martha - always doing. My love language is acts of service and that's the way I tend to show my love. (Rachel's is quality time, if you haven't guessed.) It's a family joke that I can't sit down to enjoy a movie- I have to be folding laundry, etc- always doing two things at once.

On my way home, I heard a Focus on the Family interview with Dr. Dan Allender who wrote the book, How Children Raise Parents. He mentioned that God uses our kids to shape us and knock off those rough edges. Sometimes our kids speak to us in such prophetic ways that help us to see things to which we are blind - in my case, being fully present and doing what is really important. There will be always be MORE to do - more dishes to wash, more rooms to clean, more socks to pick up, more projects to complete, more, more, more! But I need to slow down and not do just the urgent that screams to me from the laundry basket, but to do the things that really matter - listening, sharing, cuddling, laughing, reading, making memories.

How about you? Are you fully present with your husband, your kids? Do you take time to enjoy each other? Hopefully, some day my kids will finally get me raised and I will be more of what God has in mind for me.

Keep At It!

2010-09-29T16:30:00.000-07:00

Have you prayed for something for a long time and it still hasn't happened?

It's easy to lose heart and give up. You may even question if God is listening... if He is able to do what you've asked. I want to encourage you today to keep doing what you are doing. God is listening. God has all-power. God cares.

I came across this quote from Richard Foster recently and liked it.

We may not see the end from the beginning, but we keep on doing what we know to do. We pray, we listen, we worship, we carry out the duty of the present moment. What we learned to do in the light of God's love, we also do in the dark of God's absence.
We ask and continue to ask, even though there is no answer.
We seek and continue to seek, even though we do not find.
We knock and continue to knock, even though the door remains shut.

This constant, longing love produces a firmness of life orientation in us. We love God more than the gifts God brings. Like Job, we serve God even if He slays us. Like Mary, we say freely, "I am the Lord's servant. May it be to me as You have said." (Luke 1:38)

May God give you the added faith and strength to keep at it!

Insecurity...good?

2010-09-13T00:20:00.000-07:00

Last week I wrote about insecurity and it started me thinking...

God often uses our weaknesses (the things we are insecure about) more than He uses our strengths. We all like to stay in our strengths and not highlight our weaknesses, but God seems to delight in showcasing them.

Think about Bible examples. Peter. What would you say his biggest weakness was? His mouth, right? Peter, who was always saying things and probably regretting it later (I can so relate). God used Peter to be a spokesman for the early church. God took Peter's weakness and used it.

Paul. He had been trusted with some important information (taken up into the third heaven?), so God gave him a thorn - something to keep him humble. We don't know what the thorn was, but it was a constant reminder for Paul to operate in God's strength. He even said that he delighted in his weakness, because God's power was perfected in weakness. (2 Corinthians 10:12)

There are lots more examples.

Gideon was so fearful that when the angel appeared to tell him of God's plan, he was hiding in his family's wine press. God used fearful Gideon to be the leader of an army.

Moses, complained to God that he couldn't speak (maybe he had a speech impediment?), but God used him to speak to the most powerful man on earth (Pharaoh) and demand release for God's people.

Thinking about these examples encourages me. God wants to use me - even my weaknesses. I want to forget them. But He wants to work through them to showcase His greatness - to myself and to others. He doesn't always take away my weaknesses. I guess that keeps me dependent on Him...a good place for me to be.

What are your weaknesses? How can God work through your weakness to bring glory to Himself?

Who would have thought that weakness could be a good thing?

2010-08-31T13:53:00.000-07:00

Every time I visit my daughter-in-law's blog, I LOVE reading about their adventures, home improvement projects and even what they're having for dinner; BUT I also see my blog listed as one of her favorites and beside it, how long it's been since I've written one. As of today, it's been two months since I last wrote a blog. Do I feel guilty? You bet! Do I wish I could be as diligent about blogging as she is? I certainly do!

Do you ever compare yourself to others and feel like you come up short? Why do we as women lack confidence in ourselves and are so insecure? (We must be insecure as Beth Moore has recently written a whole book about it!)

I don't know for sure, but I think it starts early. I remember comparing myself with my little sister at an early age - she was so petite and cute; I was so tall and gangly (that is actually working in my favor now as I'm finding more places to hide fat HA). I remember comparing myself to other girls, teens, women, for as long as I can remember. And don't forget the last pastor's wife - what big shoes she wore!

Comparing ourselves is never a good idea, so I don't know why I do it?! Paul says those that compare themselves with others are not wise. (2 Corinthians 10:12) It can lead us to pride (Thank goodness, I'm not as __________ as she is!) or to self-defeat (I wish I could be more _______________!) Usually, I prefer the first one to the second one. (Can anyone say INSECURITY?!)

There is certainly too much to say about this for one blog (I know..when I finally do write, I have a tendency to go on and on...MORE INSECURITY!) But I do want to encourage you to focus on what God thinks about you:

He knows you inside and out and still loves you!
He is at work in you to grow and change you.
He will complete the work He has started in you! (Philippians 1:6 - my life verse)

Saying thanks

2010-06-23T14:03:00.000-07:00

What two words have the power to keep you going? That’s right, you guessed it…thank you! (“You won a vacation” is actually four words!)

You know how well those two little words can encourage you to keep at it. When someone notices and says “thank you for all your hard work” it gives you that little extra ooommpphh to keep at it. Maybe it shouldn’t be that way – we should do what we do with a pure heart not expecting any thing in return, but who are we kidding??? Heartfelt appreciation gives me the desire and strength to keep going.

Another question… what do you have little of in a new church (besides just about everything)? Money, probably! I don’t know many church planters who have an abundance of money laying around. So I thought I’d write about a few ways to say thank you to the people in your church who work so hard week after week – most cost less than $5.

1. Our funds were tight for our MOPS babysitters this year, so I made up some cards using candy bars. I wrote a short note on a half sheet of poster board and taped candy bars in the place of some words. (You’re worth more than a 100 Grand. You are the best babysitter in the Milky Way. We know our kids sometimes act like Airheads, but you make them Smarties. We love you to (Reese’s) Pieces. Hugs and Kisses.)

2. Buy a small can of Play-doh and attach a simple note that says, “Thanks for shaping our kids’ lives.”

3. Buy a $5 gift card from Starbucks (or fast-food restaurant). Attach a note that says, “Thanks for all your hard work; enjoy a little treat from us.”

4. Buy a pack of note cards or a magnetic shopping list – Add a post-it note that says, “Thanks for your “noteworthy” contributions to our church.”

5. Give a flashlight (with batteries) and a note that says, “Thanks for letting your light shine.”

These are just a few ideas (thanks to Children's Ministry magazine for some of them) if you think about it, I’m sure you could think of lots more. Slip one in a teacher’s class before she arrives on Sunday morning or put one in a gift bag with tissue paper. It’s not really the gift that counts; it’s the thought and appreciation behind it!

Caring for your Team

2010-06-16T06:32:00.000-07:00

We recently discussed with a small group of church planters how to keep workers on your “team.” Maybe you're wondering how to keep the few workers you have in the new church (or at any church) from getting burned out. I don’t have tons of ideas, but I wanted to share a few thoughts.

When we were first planting a church in Delaware, I would regularly receive a call from one of the new women in the church. At first, I really wanted to help her and listened to her for what seemed like hours on end (believe me, we really did have some LONG conversations). Finally, when this dragged on too long, my husband “encouraged” me to limit my time with her on the phone. Looking back, I thought I was helping her but I realized that she didn’t really want to grow or change; she just wanted my attention and a sounding board.

I naively thought that I had to give equal attention to every needy person that needed it. (And believe me, it seems that new churches attract some needy people- at least ours did!) I now see that I should have used my time more wisely. After all, we only have a limited amount of time. I think as church planter wives, we need to invest in that group of people who are involved, teachable, and growing. (I’m not saying to ignore people who need help, but they can easily suck up all your time and energy.)

How to do that, you ask?

We got together with our leadership team once a month. There was no big agenda – we ate dinner together (we took turns meeting at each others’ homes) and then talked and prayed together. It gave us a chance to share our hearts with them and see how they were doing. Playing games and eating pizza can join your team together.

Text or call the women of your leadership team regularly. Get together for coffee. Go shopping together. Get to know them and build a good relationship with them. If there is no relationship, it is hard to help or even confront them when it is needed.

Be vulnerable with them. Share your struggles with them and they will be more open to you. Don’t worry about being a “spiritual giant” --- people relate to us more in our weaknesses than in our strengths (Thank goodness, I usually have plenty weaknesses to share! HA)

Find small ways to show appreciation – a blog on that will be coming soon. It doesn’t have to be something expensive or big; just a note sharing a specific thanks or praise for what they are doing will mean tons!

How do you care for the leadership team in your new church? Post a comment – don’t worry that it’s a simple idea –those are usually the best.

Free Tutoring for Military Families

2010-05-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

I saw this deal on Hip2Save.com today (May 19th, 2010) and thought I'd pass it on... so you can pass it on to people you know.

If you are a military family and could benefit from a tutoring service, then you’ll be excited to learn about Tutor.com. Tutor.com is an online tutoring service for many subjects from basic math to essay writing and calculus. The best part is that it is FREE for military families! Military service members and their dependents around the world can work with a certified, professional tutor online 24/7 to get help with homework, studying, test prep, resume writing, and more!

Here’s what you need to do take advantage of this free offer…
*Head on over to Tutor.com
*Click on the purple button that says “Tutor.com for the military”
*Click on which branch of the military you are in and then follow the directions

Good enough!

2010-05-15T16:18:00.000-07:00

Recently I was asked if I would sing at a church and I said, “No, I’m not really that good.” (And that’s the truth, I’m not – I can carry a tune, but that’s about it.) Later, I felt guilty (I do guilt well!) It was a small church and I could have sung and praised God with my singing. It wasn’t like I was performing in Madison Square Gardens or something…

Looking back on that, I thought of the statement that the greatest ability is availability. (not sure who said that, but have heard it lots of times).

God wants to use each of us, but sometimes we hold back because we’re afraid that we won’t do it good enough. You know the excuses – I’m not gifted in that area. I can’t do it as well as she can. On and on…

I’ve learned that if I do what I can, it may not be the best in the world, but God can use it. And I can learn to do it better. Almost every new thing I do is done poorly when I first start doing it, but that’s how I learn – the more I do it, the better I get. It takes time and practice.

Does that mean we shouldn’t do our best? Of course, we should, but sometimes good enough works, too.

Encouraging your husband in ministry

2010-04-21T09:11:00.000-07:00

The church planter/pastor is the one who is supposed to encourage others, but what do you do when your pastor is discouraged and you just happen to be married to him?

I wanted to share a few thoughts on encouraging our pastor/husbands.

1. Pray for him. I start with this because I think it is most important. I wanted to pray for my pastor/husband, Richard, but didn't know exactly what to pray. I read Stormie Omartian's book, The Power of a Praying Wife, and found all kinds of things to pray about - many things I would have not thought about (prayers for him to be kept from temptation, prayers for his friendship, his finances, his health, and on and on). I pray the Bible prayer at the end of the chapter, put a bookmark there and move to the next prayer the following morning. What a powerful force we can unleash in our lives when we pray!

Once when we were going through a rough situation at our church, I prayed that morning for God to encourage and help Richard that day. That evening he told me that he opened a magazine that morning and the first article talked about discouragement. Then a friend came by and prayed with him. I was amazed at how God had encouraged him.

2. Listen to him. We all need someone to listen -without judging us. It took me awhile to learn this, but my hubby usually didn't need my advice - he just needed me to sit and listen and sympathize. I like to call what he does venting. Have you ever noticed that men need to vent? In the beginning, I told him how he should feel (Honey, you shouldn't feel that way; she was only trying to be helpful...), but I learned that he opened up a lot more if I kept MY mouth shut and just listened. Enough said...

3. Don't criticize him. Some may disagree with me, but I decided early in our ministry that I was going to be his cheerleader. I didn't want him to dread getting in the car every Sunday only to hear a litany of his mistakes. I figured there would be enough people who would correct him if he did it wrong. Again, I didn't realize how much self-doubt men have. Am I a good pastor? Am I a good husband? Am I a good father? Am I.... Hearing those magic words "I believe in you" can give men the confidence to keep going even when they fail.

Having said that, I do occasionally slip into my "Holy Spirit Junior" mode and feel like I need to correct him. There are times to honestly talk about things, but it should never be done in haste and without clear leading from God. I've found praying does a lot more good than I could ever do with my nagging/whining/complaining.

And did I mention, never speaking against him or correcting him in front of others? I heard a pastor telling a story and his wife kept interrupting him to make sure he was telling it just right (No, honey, it was Tuesday night instead of Thursday night! No, remember we were driving the Buick, not the Mustang). Ephesians 4:29 says that our words should build up (edify). It's refreshing to hear one spouse compliment and not tear down the other!

4. Meet his physical needs. When hubby/pastor comes home from a stressful board meeting, what could help "de-stress" him better than a good meal, a massage and sex? God gave us the gift of physical intimacy which can make our marriages stronger, happier, and more fun!

I realize this blog is getting too long... must close before you start drifting off.

Peter Drucker said that being a pastor and a church planter are the two hardest jobs in America. So I'm guessing that being married to someone in those jobs is not going to be easy. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves and our pastor husbands to do what we can, but this is God's work - the battle is the Lord's!

Share with us ways that you think ministry wives can encourage their husbands.

I love spring!

2010-04-13T16:30:00.000-07:00

For the past week, I can't stay indoors. It looks like someone woke up the earth as the trees and flowers are blooming. This is my azalea bush in the front yard. It all looks beautiful! (Someone with allergies might disagree with this picture being beautiful HA)

It is easy to take these things for granted – but have you ever thought about how great God is to think all this up and then keep it going on and on? The leaves fall off in the autumn and fertilize the ground while the trees remain dormant. They rest during the winter (doing something important, I’m sure). Then in the spring, the trees come to life again. They bloom and then make leaves and provide shade for the hot summer months. Then as it cools off, the leaves fall off again and the cycle continues. Who tells them to do this? WOW! I can see God’s hand in this – (especially after learning more about what is really happening inside a leaf).

All of this beauty shouts- GOD IS AMAZING! GOD IS CREATIVE! GOD IS POWERFUL! Look up and praise Him for the works of His hands!

God, You are amazing, powerful, and creative. I stand in awe of all that You have created in this world. I stand in awe because Someone so great still knows me and loves me. Thank you.

The heavens declare the glory of God and the earth shows His handiwork. Psalm 19:1

Living Life on Purpose

2010-04-01T06:26:00.000-07:00

First I want to say thank you to the many calls and cards and expressions of sympathy we received after the death of Richard's youngest brother, Brian. We were totally shocked to get the phone call that he had died of a massive heart attack. We left Nashville immediately to be with the family in Huntsville - about two hours away. It's unbelievable how quickly life can change!

I had just finished reading the book, One Month to Live by Kerry and Chris Shook, just the week before we heard about Brian. It was a challenge to live your life - doing the things that you would do if you knew that you only had one month to live. Things like genuinely loving others and building into their lives, forgiving others and not holding on to petty disagreements, saying things that you would want those closest to you to know, and basically loving God with all your heart.

Of course, the truth is that none of us know how long we have to live, so I vowed to do some things.

Keep my house cleaner. I know this seems trivial (and it is) but we left immediately and later I thought, "I'd hate someone to have to come in and clean it." Maybe I got this from my mom who would never leave on a vacation without the house being spotless, but sometimes I leave stuff laying around when it would only take a minute or two more to put it away.

Tell people you love them every time you talk to or see them. Mostly, I do this, but it's important to say the words that build others up rather than thinking that they know how you feel already. You never know when it might be the last time.

Slow down and enjoy each day. Sometimes I feel as if I rush through life to the next "have to" event. My schedule is not always determined by what I would like to be doing but by what's on the schedule. I know that is how life is, but I want to live more intentionally and in the present.

Write down your wishes. I have planned my own funeral. (I told Richard and the kids to buy the cheapest casket in the place as know they will hate to do that. A cheap pine box would be good for me as I'm not really there and don't want to waste good money! But I digress!) I want to write a letter to each person in my family so they will know my thoughts and last words to them.

We had just been at Brian's church the weekend before and he preached with such passion. He was a generous, caring person who loved God. I hope I leave a similar legacy. Please pray for his wife, Debbi and their three adult children - Brooke, Brandon, and Bethany.

Ministry/Marriage

2010-03-04T16:08:00.000-08:00

I recently attended a seminar for church planter’s wives by Tricia Lovejoy and she talked about her personal struggle with devoting the energy needed to start a church and guarding their marriage. If we’re not careful we can just become “partners in ministry” instead of lovers. This is definitely easier said than done…but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.

How do we go about it? (Here are some ideas she shared.)

Set limits on work time. Are you still on the Blackberry while you’re eating dinner – if you’re eating dinner together? There is ALWAYS one more thing we could do – we have to set limits.

Create outside interests to do together. I know you’re thinking, “we don’t have time to add one more thing to our busy schedules.” Sometimes wearing a different “hat” can add fun and a much-needed break. Things as simple as taking a walk, playing a game, or fishing can build more closeness in a relationship.

Establish a family night and guard it with your life. You mean Sister Mabel’s hangnail is not a true emergency?!!! Put the family night on the calendar and both commit to keeping it. Having it the same night each week establishes its importance and it becomes something to anticipate.

Limit the number of nights away from home. If we’re not careful, we can become like ships passing in the night. There is NO way to build a good marriage if you don’t even see each other. It may mean getting creative with meetings and appointments, but it’s worth it.

Make time with friends. Women need girl friends – to laugh, shop, and eat. (three of my favorite things!) Take time also to do fun things as a couple with other couples.

Tricia said, “The healthiest thing you can give your church is a healthy marriage.” A marriage is never an island to itself; many people are affected by the failure or success of a marriage. We must protect our marriages from the things that could tear it apart.

Critical people

2010-02-19T07:52:00.000-08:00

I could see it in her face and in the way she walked as she approached me - I was about to get it! Dear Ms. So and So had a complaint - she didn't like the way the kids got out of Sunday school early or she thought the music was too loud last week or she was surprised to find no bulletin this week. It was always something...

Maybe she's joined your church now... how do you handle criticism from people?

First, I would consider the source. It's important to understand who is doing the criticizing. Is this a person who is always criticizing or someone who rarely does?
I would treat what is said differently. If a chronic criticizer (CC for short) approaches me, I brace myself and take what she says with a grain of salt and try to let it roll off my back. Most CC's have their own problems and won't be happy anywhere. I listen and go on my way. I try not to take it personally. Saying a prayer for her couldn't hurt either.

Is this a person who is involved or someone who is an armchair quarterback? If this is someone who sits on the sidelines and criticizes the rest of us trying to do our best, I gently (and with one of my fake smiles) suggest that she get involved in being part of the solution. If she's complaining about the children running around the church, I suggest she think of a solution - maybe she could gather them together for a small snack between services, etc.

I've also used a similar tactic when people come to me complaining/feigning concern about other people. I immediately ask them, "I'm sure they need your prayers. Are you willing to commit to praying for them every day for the next month?" That usually shuts them up and I suggest that we pray together right then for that person.

CC's can wear you down if you let them (and believe me, it's hard not to). Limiting our time with them (besides not going to church) is wise.

CC's create a weariness that can make serving the Lord a chore. (If you can never do it right, why bother to try?!)

Oswald Chambers said,
"Our Lord's first obedience was to the will of His Father, not to the needs of men: His obedience brought the outcome of the saving of men. If I am devoted to the cause of humanity only, I will soon be exhausted and will soon come to the place where my love will falter; but if I love Jesus personally and passionately, I can serve humanity though men treat me as a doormat."

I find I can deal with people better when I'm closely walking with God. If I'm trying to do what He thinks is important (and this comes by spending time with Him to hear that), then I can deal with criticism better. (In my mind, I think, "I'm doing what God wants and if you don't like it, you can lump it! - does this show I have a long way to go?)

If we are doing what we are doing for HIM, then what others think will matter less. I've told myself this when I've done something for people and they didn't even say thank you. Ultimately, it is God we are trying to please; He sees and will reward accordingly.

Having said that, what if the criticism comes from someone I consider a godly person? Then I feel grateful - grateful that they felt close enough to confide their true feelings to me (people rarely do- they talk to other people behind your back). There is a kernel of truth in most of what is said. I can grow (and can help my church grow) if I can find that truth and see if there needs to be change.

Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim.
(Proverbs 15:4 The Message)

Again, I would love to hear your stories or comments about how you deal with criticism.

Virtual/real relationships

2010-02-04T08:43:00.000-08:00

Richard just recently joined Facebook so he and I were talking last night about whether more men or more women were on it and who spent the most time there. Today I got a email from Jennifer Rothschild (womensministry.net) with the following paragraphs by Amy Lively in it.

"The women in your neighborhood are likely to spend five hours and 24 minutes each month following their Facebook friends.

Facebook has replaced face-to-face, heart-to-heart conversations. We tweet instead of talk. Our electronic disconnect means we're "friends" without being friendly. Our status updates are witty and cute, with pictures of our darling children and amazing vacations. It's entirely possible to have an impossibly long list of virtual friends, yet there's no one to look into your eyes and see your pain, your sorrow or your joy. Women are starved for personal attention, meaningful relationships and purposeful lives.

Your neighborhood is a convenient, comfortable and non-threatening place to invite women into relationship with you, take them by the hand, and walk with them to the
throne of grace where they can meet their Savior.

Do you know your neighbors?

* How many of your neighbors could you greet by name?
* When was the last time you shared a meal with a neighbor?
* How do you serve your neighbors?
* If you needed help, could you call a neighbor?
* Do your neighbors call you when they need a stick of butter?
* What is your next door neighbor's most pressing need?

No detailed demographic studies are needed for your own neighborhood: inside every home are women who are hurting and hungering for the Lord. Their common need is to know Christ, and their common denominator is they live near you, a woman with a passion for loving them like Jesus."

Now, I certainly don't think it's wrong to spend time on Facebook, but her challenge stirred my thinking....

How well do I know my neighbors? Am I intentionally building relationships with them? Immediately I thought of some excuses....

First, I tend to think that my neighbors are too busy - too (fill in the blank) to desire a relationship with me. Even though I am busy, I need meaningful relationships with other women - so I guess this is not a good excuse.

Second, the fear of rejection is huge! What if I knock on their door and invite them over and they say, "Not interested!" That would be a big blow to my shaky self-esteem.

Third, how do you go about this? I taught a Bible study in my home many years ago for neighborhood women in another state, but haven't done it here. Now it seems that everyone pulls up to their house, opens their garage door- from the car, and cocoons inside. If you have any ideas on making/building friendships with neighbors, please leave a post with your idea.

Powerful prayers

2010-01-22T19:00:00.000-08:00

Do you find it as hard I as do to find the balance between supporting your adult children and letting them make their own choices? (Wouldn't it be great if we could continue making choices for them?)

My youngest son, Justin, gave me the book, The Power of Praying for Your Adult Children, by Stormie Omartian for Christmas. I have used her other books in my personal prayer time and found them to be very helpful. (She combines Bible verses into a prayer.) Stormie says that there is no such thing as perfect parents, but we can be powerful pray-ers when we combine praying and God's Word.

Here are some of the chapter headings---

Pray that your adult children will:
see God pour out His Spirit on them
develop a heart for God, His Word, and His ways
grow in wisdom, discernment, and revelation
understand God's purpose for their lives
have a sound mind and right attitude
maintain strong and fulfilling relationships
be protected and survive tough times

These (and more) are all things I want for my adult children! Knowing that God is far more capable of handling whatever comes their way and inviting Him to work in their lives helps me to stay sane. Praying these prayers gives me confidence and hope that God will do amazing things in my children's lives this year.

Richard and I with our four children- Nathan, Jared, Rachel, Justin

We added a new member to our family this past June, Rachel, Nathan's wife

Caring for the sick

2009-12-31T13:28:00.000-08:00

When people in our churches and neighborhoods are sick or going through a hard time, what an opportunity we have to help. Not only are the ones being helped encouraged, but the ones doing the helping are blessed also.

A couple of ideas:

Arrange for women to take food or baby sit or help out in any way possible. Ask: What can we do to help you this week? Some women are reluctant to ask for or even receive help, so be persistent in your offers and caring.

Offer to take them for doctor's visits or treatment.

There is a nonprofit foundation that offers free housecleaning (1 time per month for four months) for women undergoing chemotherapy.
If you know any woman currently undergoing chemotherapy for cancer, please encourage her to go to the website - http://www.cleaningforareason.org and fill out an application. Cleaning for a Reason will have a participating maid service in her zip code area arrange for the service. They have 609 cleaning partners in the US and Canada.

Your kindness will never be forgotten and may open the door to other ministry.

Christmas gifts

2009-12-21T07:19:00.000-08:00

It's almost Christmas and do you find yourself doubting? Oh, not about the birth of Jesus because we know and trust the story recorded in the Bible. I'm talking about thoughts such as:

Did I really get enough for that person? Will they be happy with what I gave them? What about the neighbors or mail carrier? What if someone gives us a gift and I don't have one for them? Maybe I should add another meat or dessert for the meal. What if I run out of food?

Thoughts such as these can ruin the good planning and work I've already done. It causes me to dash out into the cold cruel stores to buy and spend more than I had planned to (for which I will be sorry in January when the bill arrives)! Why do I buy into the idea that Christmas is about gifts and spend so much of my time and worry on that aspect of Christmas?!

Yes, Christmas IS about giving, after all God gave us the best gift He had so we could have life. But I must keep it all in perspective and not get so caught up in giving physical gifts that I neglect the true meaning of Christmas. How about a personal letter written to each member of the family to share what you love and appreciate about them? I have a friend who writes a poem sharing her feelings about the highlights of the year with each family member. These are cherished gifts that cost nothing. (Of course, that would mean I have to sit down and think and who has time for that?!)

One year my husband suggested that we get all the Christmas shopping done early and have the entire week before Christmas to be together and enjoy each other's company. We read Christmas stories each night and played games. That was one of the best Christmases we had. Giving ourselves may be the best gift of all.

I hope this Christmas is a happy one for you and your family.

Shopping and waiting

2009-11-05T06:22:00.001-08:00

Yesterday I was in the store and I saw a lady shopping with her two children. She was joyful - so I paid attention. She sang along with the store music - she spoke respectfully to her kids - she asked their opinion. While we were waiting at the dressing room, she smiled and spoke to me. This made me think about others that I see in the store - rushing around, growling at the clerks, yelling at their kids. (I do know kids bring out the worst in you at the checkout by the candy!)

It made me think about the kind of person I am when I'm out shopping. Am I joyful? Am I patient? Am I kind? Am I angry? Am I snippy? Am I caring to others? Am I so focused on what I'm doing that I don't even notice others?

When Jesus went from place to place, He was always connecting with people. While he was waiting for food, He spoke to the woman by the well. While He was walking by a funeral procession, He saw a mother's sadness and comforted her. While He was waiting to speak, He lifted some children to His lap and loved on them. While waiting for His disciples to finish fishing, He made them breakfast.

I'm not a good wait-er - I don't like to wait- in fact, I even hate to wait at the microwave! But what if I used those times of waiting - in the checkout line, at the dressing room, sitting in the doctor's office, waiting in the carpool line... to connect with people. What if I prayed for waiting opportunities (that might be a bit much!) and looked for chances to care for and bring joy to others? What if I prayed for the people in the car next to me while I waited at the traffic light? Who knows what might happen?

Celebrate and Evaluate

2009-10-17T20:32:00.001-07:00

It's 10pm on Saturday night and I wrote on my calendar on Monday - "Write and post blog." Well, I only have a couple of more hours until the week is over and I either have to write a blog or write it on next week's calendar (which I do way too frequently). To top it off the good girl voice over my left shoulder says, "And you know you said you were going to write regularly." So here goes...

On Tuesday night of this past week, I hosted an evaluation meeting/dinner and it reinforced for me the need to gather and evaluate. (Always a great excuse for women to get together - but who really needs an excuse?!) The women on the planning committee shared their thoughts about what we did right and what we could do better. It was a chance for us to celebrate and jot down our thoughts about everything -from food to follow-up (From...make more chicken salad to... send notes to our guests.) There were many things that I missed and others noticed. Listening to others gave me insight and hopefully will help us make changes that will make the event even better the next time.

As a pastor/church planter's wife, I think we're sometimes afraid to ask for feedback. (Some are way too willing to be critical and who needs more reason to doubt yourself?!) That's why it's nice to evaluate specific events and share ways to do "church" better. I heard of one church who even paid a "mystery shopper" to evaluate them. Taking the time and effort to think about what does and doesn't work makes others feel that their opinion counts and can make the next event better (if we can remember where we put the notes from the meeting).

Staying Motivated - Part 2

2009-10-08T19:07:00.001-07:00

Having written last time (and it's been less than a week which may be a miracle) about how people can encourage and help us, I decided while reading Psalm 62 this morning that I needed to write part 2 to that thought. While people can help us stay motivated, people can also drain us and cause us to LOSE motivation! The paradox of people... ministry would be great if we had no people to deal with, but we would have no ministry if we had no people!

I remember a time when we had some criticism in the church and how discouraged I felt. I didn't even want to go to church and face people! It was while reading Psalm 62 that GOD encouraged me. Let me share a few thoughts...

God is ultimately our source of help and strength.
While it is good to have friends to share our pain and sadness, we must remember that GOD is our main source of help. Someone said, "Go the throne before you go to the phone."

David said to God, "You alone are my rock and salvation. My fortress where I will never be shaken" and in a later verse He instructs us, "Pour out your heart to Him." It is tempting to go from one to the other and "explain" your side of the story. In my opinion, that seems to keep things stirred up.

Accept that people will hurt you - some intentionally, but most unintentionally. Sometimes it's not even about you- they are already hurting and you happen to be in their path. Even people in church are imperfect humans and they don't always do the right thing (do you?). We are all in need of God's help and mercy. Giving that to others - especially when they hurt us- is a supernatural gift.

We will all answer to God for what we say or do.
I comforted by the fact that God will judge other's wrong actions to me (Get 'em, God), but it sobers me to think that I too will answer for my words and actions. Just because they act ugly and say hurtful things doesn't give me the right to do that back (not matter how justified I feel).

2009-10-08T19:07:00.000-07:00

Staying Motivated

2009-10-02T08:05:00.000-07:00

Recently, I was in charge of a ladies tea whose purpose was to bring women to hear the good news about Jesus. I asked other women to help, but as the day got closer I realized that I was feeling overwhelmed (it didn't help that I was out of town the week before the tea). Overwhelming feelings usually are accompanied by other emotions - inadequacy, stress, worry, and the "what was I thinking?" emotion! Two days before the tea I was wishing that I hadn't even agreed to do this.

Now, I knew having the tea was a great idea, but I was out of desire/motivation/spiritual energy. It reminded me of other times and events where I just wanted it to be over. (I'm ashamed to admit it, but it's true.) How do you "work up" the desire/motivation/energy to do things?

Well, there are probably a lot of different answers, but I'll tell you a couple of things that worked for me.

First, other people helped me. That afternoon, I was grousing to my daughter over tea and she shared amazing ideas for the door prizes. (which leads me to a second thought - don't leave things until the last minute - then you hate to ask people and are left doing it yourself- but I digress) I was energized by her energy! God gave us other people to help and encourage us - the Bible uses the illustration of a body working together. Other ladies in my church performed their responsibilities with diligence (hostessing the tables, praying, making food, doing follow-up, etc.). Including other people makes them feel wanted and it also helps you. Even simple tasks can be delegated if we think and ask others to help us.

Second, do what you know to do even when you don't feel like it. Sometimes we don't do good things because we're waiting for some kind of mysterious feeling. I've found if I will get up and do something that needs to be done (make that phone call, write that letter, clean just one room, etc) it gives me just enough motivation to do more. My husband always says, "feelings FOLLOW obedience." I usually like to wait for the feeling to do what I know is right. Doing it - even if it's out of a sense of duty and because you know you have to and other people are counting on you - can bring amazing results.

I'm determined to add pictures to my blog (I've haven't been writing, but I'm going to do better - You're probably saying, "follow your own advice!") Thank you, I believe I will.

The pictures are from our ladies tea held at the Longview Mansion here in Nashville.

Women Need Women

2009-08-28T05:12:00.001-07:00

I'm writing this on August 12th which would have been my Aunt Grace's 87th birthday and yesterday would have been my mom's 79th birthday - both died a few years ago.
Do you ever stop missing your mom after she's gone? I don't think so...

I guess I'm feeling nostalgic and melancholy (not always a good combination), but I thought about how we need godly women in our lives. There are some things only women get (how you can talk for 30 minutes and when asked what you talked about you say, "nothing," and it's really true - you just talked about nothing big, just stuff...)

In the olden days (as my kids used to call it), women used to get together at quilting bees (thank God, we don't do that now as I tried it once and was terrible at it), canned food for the winter together, birthed each other's babies, etc. They were a support system for each other. In our culture (and especially if you are a church planter's wife) women leave their families and move 500 miles away. Who is there when you need a listening ear, a cup of coffee, or help?

Even though my husband is my best friend and I love sharing with him, sometimes I can see his eyes glaze over as I describe the last sale I found...as he tries to endure to the end. (Someone said the theme song for women is "Feelings" and the one for men is "Just the Facts, Ma'am.") Men also tend to want to "fix" the situation. (We have a "code" for needing sympathy - Just "poor baby" me, I ask.) I actually think I'm a better wife IF I have women friends. I don't overburden him with every little thing.

I know you may be thinking that adding another thing (finding and/or spending time with a friend) to your crammed schedule is something you can leave off. But spending time with a friend can renew, encourage, comfort, and help you make it through the "stuff" you're facing. Being married to a church planter makes it even harder - they are often like the old-time cowboys - pioneering works and moving from place to place. That makes it hard to put down roots and make lasting friendships. Make the effort to find at least one friend - it's worth it! Stay connected (it's way easier now than it was in the olden days)!

Pinching Pennies

2009-07-31T07:21:00.000-07:00

I haven't been very diligent since I wrote the first two blogs- I would offer some excuses, but I'll save you the effort reading them.

The hardest part about writing (writing anything - thank you notes, condolences, get well, letters, etc) is knowing what to write! So I thought I'd write about saving money and share a few websites that help me.

It's almost back to school and there are great sales on school supplies. Buy enough supplies to last the whole year - not just enough to get started. This will be the first fall that I won't have a child in school in 25 years, but I still stocked up. There are always kids that need supplies or they can be donated them to a local school. A special ed teacher told me that they are always desperate for glue sticks. Wal-Mart honors the ads from other stores, so take all your ads from the Sunday paper and get the penny pencil sharpeners advertised by Office Max and the pens for a dime Walgreen's was offering.

My son alerted me to a good site - http://hip2save.blogspot.com A young mom writes this daily blog alerting readers to good deals. She has the individual stores listed down the right side of the column and you can click on each one to see the deals. One of the best things about this site is that she often has a link to print out a coupon which will discount the item or make it free.

Another site I frequently check is www.5dollardinners.com Erin Chase, a young Christian mom, shows you how to make dinners (for 4 - two adults and two kids) costing $5 or less- usually the ingredients are simple and pretty easy. She also links you to sites where you can print out coupons.

I get tons of great tips to save money from Mary Hunt, who had over $100,000 in credit card debt and slowly worked her way out. Sign up at www.cheapskatemonthly.com to receive her free daily email which shares money-saving ideas, advice, and wisdom.

I figure that every dollar I stretch a little further leaves more that can be used somewhere else!

Share any good websites or ways you've found to save money with the rest of us.

Saying "no" so you can say "yes"

2009-07-02T12:28:00.000-07:00

In your busy life, what do you say "no" to so you can say "yes" to the things you want to do?

There are no easy answers and it looks different for different "seasons" of life. My youngest just graduated from college in May and my life now, on its busiest day, is 100 times quieter and less busy than when I had four little ones romping around. Somehow we have bought into the idea that we have to do it all - you know, "we can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and still never let you forget that you are a man cause I'm a woman - a W-0-M-A-N!" (for those of you too young to remember that commercial, sorry!)

But back to the question...

One thing that has helped me is that I have started saying, "Let me check my calendar (husband, etc) and get back to you." This gives me some time to actually think about and to check with my husband to see if this is a good idea. (It's just courteous to consider others in your family when you are making plans!) And a further note...if you have to refuse, you don't have to "defend" your answer or tell why. Just say, "I'm sorry, I can't do that right now."

Ask yourself, "Why am I doing this?" For those who are people pleasers (like myself), it is easy to take on too much. We hate to say no! We need to evaluate why we're doing what we're doing (for other's approval, praise, etc). "I want people to think well of me, so I guess I'll collect for the heart fund. I hate to disappoint Janie, so I guess I'll have a Pampered Chef party." Of course, most of the time, I never think - I just do it.

Ask yourself, "Are there others who could do this?" I have done plenty of things that were very stressful for me because I thought no one else would do it. Once I agreed to teach a high school math class when I can hardly balance the checkbook... what was I thinking? My husband used to say to me, "If no one else is willing, then maybe we really need to consider if we need this ministry." There may no one who will do it like you or even as well as you, but they may be willing to try if you say no.

Limit yourself. There will always be more things to do than time to do them. A church planter's wife can often make a list longer than her arm of things that genuinely NEED to be done. But you can't do it all. You will wear yourself out and you won't be good to anyone. It's better to pick what you enjoy (not that you ONLY get to do things you enjoy) and leave other things undone. Is it hard to know what to leave undone? Yes, but pray and ask God for guidance, then do what you can. Even when Jesus was on earth, He didn't heal or help every one. Sometimes "no" is the best word we can say.

Share with me ways that you've learned to limit your activities so you can do a better job on other things.

Staying on the Train

2009-06-26T11:19:00.001-07:00

Support for Ministry Wives

I've been a ministry wife for almost 32 years - first as a youth pastor's wife (you need a good brownie recipe and an open door policy there!), a pastor's wife, and a church planter's wife. In 2000, my husband, Richard, joined the staff of our National Home Missions Department and we moved to Nashville. We travel together training, encouraging, and trying to help our church planters any way we can. In an effort to do a better job and offer a little support, he has asked me to write a blog.

I woke at 3:30 this morning and I remembered that I had not called the venue where we are going to have our ladies tea- which started me thinking about the other things I needed to do for that - and before I knew it, I was wide awake! So I got up, in the hope of getting sleepy if I read my Bible, I made a list of all the things I needed to do (a dull pencil is better than a sharp mind)...

I am watching three kids for the weekend while their parents are away (two are teenagers and you know that involves food)
We're having a prayer meeting at our house Sunday night (ie...make food)
I'm supposed to get this blog to Richard today by noon.
I'm supposed to write an article for a magazine by this afternoon.
Christie and I are cooking the Wednesday night meal at church this week.
We've been rising at 6(AM that is) to walk (I need my sleep to even think...)

All of these involve responsibilities that are hanging over me ---good things, but things you have to think about and prepare for. It's easy to get overwhelmed and just want to check out.

Dr. James Dobson, likened the situation for many women as being on a fast-moving train. Rather than trying to slow the train down, women are jumping off the train saying, "I can't do this anymore!"

At our training meeting a few months ago, church planter wives told us that being with and hearing that other women felt like they did was in a strange way helpful and encouraging (misery loves company HA)

Sometimes I forget how much I need other believers to walk alongside me - after all, who has time to add one more thing to the list. There are some things we can do "solo" but we need others to listen, pray with us, commiserate, encourage and care for us.

I hope this blog will do at least some of those. I plan to write about my own experience as a church planter's wife (probably one of the hardest jobs ever)--- and just my journey as a wife, mother, sister, friend. Sometimes it's easier to have a "friend" or gather information online (at least you don't have to put on makeup or get dressed to connect). Usually I'll post a thought or two and then pose a question. Feel free to email your own thoughts (iron sharpens iron) and even questions. I may not have the answer, but maybe someone else will.
After I wrote my list, I opened my Bible to the next five psalms for the day (I read five a day to jumpstart my own praise).

"God is my refuge and strength - a very present help in trouble. Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:1, 10)

I needed the reminder that I need God's help -and He wants to give it- and that I need to be still and re-focus on Him. He can help me to know what I need to do and give me the strength to do it!

Email me ways that you manage to do all that you need to do and still stay sane - in other words, "how do you stay on the train?"